December 11, 2008 ~ Amazing Grace How Sweet the Sound ~

Nine years ago today I chose my own path. I went down the wide, flat, easy rode that I wanted. I disregarded the signs God was giving me and turned a deaf ear to the direction God was telling me to go. Six months prior I had met a man who I thought I was in love with and who I thought loved me. “Andrew” seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. He was a Christian man who went to church and studied the Bible. He worked hard and was the owner of a successful construction company in Nevada. He had 2 boys who he had custody of because their mother was such a horrible, drug abusing woman. He loved his family and spending time with them as often as possible. He loved me and I was everything he had been looking for his whole life and he knew God had sent me to him. He wanted to marry me and he would take care of me. I would never have to want for anything ever again. As long as we kept God the center of our family, we would be happy. As the six months passed I discovered that “Andrew” was not his name...but he only told me that because he didn’t want his ex-wife to know he was in town. He would yell and get mad when I wanted to spend time with my friends…but that was just because he didn’t know them and his ex had cheated on him so trust was hard for him. He would call me names because I spend time with my best friend, Ashley…but that was because his ex was bi-sexual so again he didn’t trust. He would accuse me of anything you can think of….but it was because we were so far away from each other. Once we got together, in Vegas…1500 miles away from my family and friends and everything I knew, things would be so much better. You see God was giving me signs….billboards even. But in my own stubborn pride and selfishness I chose to ignore Him. Nine years ago today I said “I Do”. “I Do” to a life of depression and anger. “I Do” to a life of abuse. Four years of walking on eggshells, afraid to do or say the wrong thing. Four years being scared and beat down by the one man who was supposed to love me forever. I couldn’t understand why God was putting me through that. Why He would let that happen to me. However, I was the one who chose that path…I made my bed and God allowed me to lay in it until I finally realized that I was not in His will. God never stopped loving me. Every single time I would pray for a way out God would give me one. I would cry in the shower for a way out of the life I was in…when I was locked in the closet God was with me…when I would lock myself in another room and was too afraid to sleep God was with me…when I found countless proofs of my ex’s unfaithfulness God was holding me up. When I felt that I was trapped forever and there was no way out, I would cry out to God and every single time He made a way for me. So many times I would again choose my own path…stay and stick it out. Even though I refused God’s help over and over and over again, He never left me. His promise to never leave me or forsake me stood true. When I finally listened to God and got out of the hell I was in, it was scary, however God protected me and has brought me so many blessings that I certainly do not deserve. For this I lift up praise to my Deliverer:
Dear God, Thank you for never leaving me even though I disobeyed you on this day nine years ago. You never left me and you protected me through it all. Thank you for your deliverance, for your mercy and your grace in my life. Thank you for the trials and the lessons you taught me through them. Thank you for the beautiful little girl you gave me out of the darkness and the bond that we share. Thank you for keeping your hands over me and protecting me. Thank you for never giving up on me and always providing an escape. Thank you for your abundant love and grace on me. I pray that you receive all glory and honor from this because you are worthy and holy. King of King, Lord of Lords, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, MIGHTY GOD! I praise your name.

“Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. T’was Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home”