What do you do when your 7 year old daughter sits in the back seat of the car and cries because she missed her dad? How do you deal with that issue knowing he doesn't really care? Oh, he pretends to care when it's convenient for him. But in my mind I hear the numerous times I heard "I know a doctor who can fix that" when I was pregnant with her. I know that he once aborted a child and, although he tried to make it sound as a joke, he probably would have been totally fine with ending her life. I hear in my head the night she was a sick baby and was crying constantly and I was crying because my baby was sick and I couldn't make her better and he asked if I was glad I had a baby now. My response "of course I'm glad, she's sick and can't help it" and his answer "She's just a stupid F-ing baby that I didn't want in the first place". I see myself sitting on the bed with her beside me and the lap top being slammed on my hand and I cry out in pain and my baby, less than a year old standing next to me crying. I picture myself being held down to the bed by one of his hands with the other one raise in a fist while she was sitting right next to me watching it all. I feel the oatmeal as I cleaned it off of her face after he threw a full bowl at me while I was holding her. I remember the nights she was in the hospital and he didn't have enough concern to stay with her over night and suggested that I not stay. I count the nights after we divorced that he was supposed to have visitation with her, but left her with his parents to go party instead. This is what I hear, see and remember as this precious child sits in the back seat and cries because she misses him. What do you do? How do you deal with that? My heart aches because she cares for someone who she will one day realize doesn't care for her.
Oh God, PLEASE PLEASE hold her, please heal these broken down places in her soul that are there because of my not following Your will. The broken places of her heart that will come as she comes to realize that her earthly father is a terrible person. God please....Holy Spirit intercede I don't know how to pray....
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7 comments:
I think you just did at the end of this post...that is all you can do...and thankfully we don't have to know the words to pray...the Holy Spirit will intercede for us.
An. I'm so very proud of you, and i just can't keep saying it enough. As I watch YOUR walls be rebuilt...her's will be too. I told your mom that David as he was looking at some of those of Camryn the other night was about in tears b'c he just loves her so much. And i think it's probably compounded by knowing that her 'father' doesn't really care. But her FATHER does. And He wants to see those walls...our walls rebuilt. And once you are whole and feel the freedom of the "whole", she will see it. And she's hearing what you are hearing too. In the car and 'there'. He WILL restore the years, An. He will.
Yes, HE will because you are opening yourself to HIS WILL. HE cares for Camryn so much more than we will ever know and HE will be the FATHER she needs when she comes to realize that her earthly father doesn't really care about her. I know it is gut wrenching to watch her be hurt, but her HEAVENLY FATHER will restore the years that have been taken from her as a result of her earthly father's neglect.
thanks for sharing this. I dread the day when my son is upset because of not getting to see his dad. THe consequences for our disobedience having such an effect on the little one we have come to love more than ourselves. Its rough.
Oh, Tiffany, it really is. It's hard not to carry that guilt every single day.
Yes but God doesn't want for us to live in guilt and fear for their pain... he wants freedom and No Condemnation. He'll give us both the strength and the grace to handle it each day. I believe that with all my heart. Good luck today with believing all the truth that you KNOW.
You are so right. Thank you so much!!!
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