December 14, 2009 ~ Be Still ~

Last week Camryn and I were on our way home from dance when He is Jealous For Me (don't think that's the name, but whatever...) came on the radio. Camryn loves this song and always says it makes her want to cry. When we got home I turned around to tell her to get all her stuff and her little face was soaking wet with tears. I asked her what was wrong and she sobbed that they were happy tears because she loves that song. When we got inside she was still crying and I told her it was ok for her to cry that sometimes girls just need to cry (got that from my friend Billie who has a daughter who needed to cry once). After a little while she finally calmed down for a few minutes and then busted in tears again. I asked her what in the world was wrong and she said that this time they were sad tears. Fully expecting her to say she missed her brothers, I asked her what she was sad about. My little almost 8 year old baby looked at me with the most desperate look on her face, tears streaming down her face and said "I don't want my Daddy to go to hell". Y'all, never before with all the mess I've gone through, has my heart ever been ripped out like it was in that minute. I just sat down and cried with her. I asked if she wanted to call him and talk to him about it and she said no and then she sobbed out "and I won't see him at Christmas to give him a Bible". In that instance I saw a living example of "faith of child" that the Bible speaks of. She fully believes that giving her daddy a Bible will lead to his salvation. And it might, nothing is impossible with God. We've been praying every night for his salvation and her brothers. Her teacher says she prays for them all the time at school. The other day she came to me with something wrapped in notebook paper and said "I need you to mail this to my daddy". When I looked at it, she had taken one of her children's Bibles (that she has read through at least twice) and wrapped it in notebook paper and wrote on the outside "Daddy, I love you, but please read this". Wow...she's such an example of what I'm supposed to be.
So, rewind a little bit. Before Camryn had this melt down on the way home, I had gotten a text from her dad asking if he could fly her out to Vegas on the 18th then they would go to L.A. on the 19th to visit his cousins and then drive here and be here by the 22nd. I was so torn. I usually just say absolutely not, but for some reason I was considering doing this. When she had this melt down I thought I needed to send her, but I didn't have 100% peace. This is not any normal good hearted daddy, so a decision like this is not easy. I talked to some very good friends and I prayed and cried and prayed and cried and begged God to show me what to do. I went to bed that night thinking a good nights rest will help and I'll wake up with a new perspective, after all, I begged God to show me if I need to send her or not. I woke up the next day and still had no idea what He wanted me to do, say she can go or say she can't go. I was trying to put God in a box. I was telling Him I trusted Him and asking Him to show me what to do, but at the same time I was giving Him two options. Later in the day it came to my mind that I had a conversation with someone not too long ago and that person stated to me that Camryn's dad had his drivers license suspended. And then all at once it hit me and all I could think was "Be Still and know that I am God". I had told Dwight that before I decided if Camryn could go or not I needed a detailed list of what they would be doing and when, a copy of his drivers license and proof of insurance (i know from the past he has issues with doing things legally). He never got that information to me and I found out his license was suspended. If he asked me about her coming again I was going to tell him that he never got me what I needed so I thought he changed his mind. I was just going to let it play out and I was going to "be still and know that He is God" and let him work. I didn't hear anymore from him until this morning when I got a text telling me that he thinks it's best to leave Camryn here because he can't get a plane ticket for her at a cheap price. Those of you who know him know this is not like him.
In this, I learned a valuable lesson. Be still and know that He is God. I don't have to fret and worry and panic, I just need to sit still and let God do God and Andrea do Andrea! He knows what He's doing...this is such a DUH statement but for some reason, it's so hard to grasp that. I'm hoping to get to the point that I automatically Be still and know that He is God, instead of panicing and freaking out and THEN remembering that He is God!

25 Christmas Questions

25 Questions About Christmas

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper....but I usually procrastinate and end up just having to throw the gift in a bag (with lots of thought, just really fast thinking!)

2. Real or Artificial tree?
I'm OBVIOUSLY a fake person! (fake tree, fake boobs etc :) )

3. When do you put up the tree?
Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving, but this year, since I didn't have Camryn that weekend we did it the weekend before Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down.
Weekend after Christmas...I'm usually tired of it by then

5..Do you like eggnog?
Never tried it, but considering I can't drink whole milk cause it's so think I doubt I would like eggnog

6. Favorite gift as a child?
This is where I get sad because I can't remember anything anymore. I think it would have to be the trampoline.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
Everyone I know!!!!!! Seriously, with the exception of Camryn.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
Oh, oops, Camryn....got a lil ahead of myself up there.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes, small glass one....the one I got griped at by my child this year for setting it up wrong. I mean Lord forbid the baby Jesus be turned the wrong way or that wise man not be in the same spot as he was on the box...geez!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards.
I do neither. For a couple years I pretended to mail cards. I'd get a picture and have the cards made and then never send them. The past two years I just decided to stop faking myself out and just give up.

11. Worst Christmas gift you received?
probably anything my ex mother in law got me. Just sayin.....I don't collect dolls!

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
So many, White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life, Grinch....and that one on Lifetime where the boy goes in the snow globe....love me some Christmas movies!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
This year it will be on December 18th.....it's always after I get my Christmas bonus at work (thank you Lord for that!!!)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Not that I can think of....but it does sound like something I would do!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Breakfast casserole and sausage balls!

16. Lights on the tree?
Is this a real question? Does anyone NOT put lights on their tree? I mean, really???? Yes, white lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Some of both. This year my schedule actually worked out to go to Alabama and see my family I haven't seen in 6 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen Comet Cupid Donner Blitzen and Rudolph (i couldn't do it, but i cheated off my sisters paper)

20. Angel on tree top or star?
Neither I go for the funky new look of having stuff stick up.

21. Open presents on Eve or morning.
Morning fo sho!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
all the Grinch's that seem to come up....and the fact that people get their panties in a wad if you say MERRY CHRISTMAS instead of happy holidays. UGH!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
I have red and sliver, but i like the new red and lime green...or that pretty blue....I dunno yet.

24. Favorite memory of Christmas?
When we got the trampoline and i was so excited I about tackled my sister

when my dad burned all my Christmas gifts by accident...that's right, burned them!

and i feel like this year will make the list when Camryn see's her new puppy!!!

25. What do you want for Christmas?
an umbrella....a cute umbrella! No joke!