October 20, 2008 ~ A Fear Like NO OTHER ~

Friday night I experienced a fear like I had never experienced before in my life. I'm scared of spiders, heights, walking on drainage things in sidewalks, and being stopped under a bridge but Friday was so much worse. I would have rather been 1000 feet in the air, standing on a drain with spiders crawling all over me and a bridge above me than to go through the 10 minutes I went through Friday. Camryn attended a cheer camp last weekend and got to cheer in the basketball game at her school Friday night. Instead of sitting with her mom and grandparents she decided she would rather play in the hall with her friends. I didn't have a problem with that. She is the principals granddaughter and everyone knows her so I felt pretty safe in letting her play. I periodically got up to check on her and would see her running around. At the end of the last game, I took off to go find her so she wouldn't get mixed up in the crowd of people leaving. I circled the gym and didn't see her. At this point, I didn't panic because it is very possible to have just missed her. I circled again checking the bathrooms and still didn't see her. I was fighting the crowd and spotted my parents and asked if they had seen her anywhere. They said they didn't and I guess sensing my panic stayed to help me look for her. My dad stood in one place by the door everyone was going out. He figured since my mom and I were moving it was best he stood still in case she came by. My mom and I took off in different directions circling the gym and practice gym and bathrooms. We passed each other a couple times each time with increasing panic. I couldn't find my daughter anywhere. I can't even begin to describe the since of fear and loss and panic and worry and sadness and just the insane mix of emotions that were rushing through me. I checked out the back doors as thoughts of her going outside and getting lost or someone grabbing her tightened their grip around my throat. I was on the brink of a breakdown, tears already streaming down my face and the idea of having to live without Camryn cutting off what bit of oxygen I had left, when I began to try to find my Mother and collapse in her arms. Then above all the chatter of people in the hall I hear my name loud and clear. I turn around and there stood my mom with Camryn. All I could do was put my hand over my mouth and cry. Camryn looked at me worried and all I could utter was "I couldn't find you". My mom had come across one of Camryn's friends McKenzie and asked if she knew where Camryn was. McKenzie told her she was in her mom's classroom. She was in there safe and sound playing without a care in the world, not knowing the torture we all just went through. Thank You GOD that You knew where she was and protected her. I have never felt so scared and lost in my life. I can't imagine how parents of missing children are even able to function. It has to be only by God's grace that they endure.