Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?
I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
and give you life
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you
I'll never let you go.
~Tenth Avenue North; By Your Side
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
August 25, 2009 ~ Did That Really Just Happen? ~
Mornings in my house are full of "hurry up's", "Get Dressed", "Brush your teeth", "If you don't hurry you 're going to go to school naked". They overflow with last minute running around grabbing things we've forgotten, turning lights off and throwing some food in the dog bowl and putting on belts as we walk out the door. Today was no different. It doesn't seem to matter how early we wake up, we are always rushed. I've said many times "I'm lucky to get out of the house dressed". I'm sure we Mom's have all said that at one time or another...but did we mean it literally?
This morning I get to work, walk across the parking lot and come in the door with another girl as we chit chatted. Walk past 4 co-workers saying hi (or grunting as it usually comes out) to get to my desk. I put my purse in it's spot and sit down to turn on my computer. As I did this, I felt my arm on my side. I looked down and I DID NOT ZIP UP MY SHIRT!!!! I have on a shirt that zips down the side from under the arm pit to just a couple inches above the bottom, thus leaving my entire side, bra and all, open to the public. Humiliation! I said "OH MY GOSH" and jumped up to show a couple co workers what I had done. I mean, if everyone else saw it, why not include them?!?!? I couldn't believe no one said anything to me! *sigh* Maybe they didn't notice. So, when I said "I'm lucky to get out of the house dressed" in the mornings....I MEAN IT!
This morning I get to work, walk across the parking lot and come in the door with another girl as we chit chatted. Walk past 4 co-workers saying hi (or grunting as it usually comes out) to get to my desk. I put my purse in it's spot and sit down to turn on my computer. As I did this, I felt my arm on my side. I looked down and I DID NOT ZIP UP MY SHIRT!!!! I have on a shirt that zips down the side from under the arm pit to just a couple inches above the bottom, thus leaving my entire side, bra and all, open to the public. Humiliation! I said "OH MY GOSH" and jumped up to show a couple co workers what I had done. I mean, if everyone else saw it, why not include them?!?!? I couldn't believe no one said anything to me! *sigh* Maybe they didn't notice. So, when I said "I'm lucky to get out of the house dressed" in the mornings....I MEAN IT!
Monday, August 24, 2009
August 24, 2009 ~ Dessert ~
Here is a good and easy dessert I made up last night as my PMS was kicking in and I was in need of chocolate. I wanted to make no bake oatmeal cookies, but I didn't have enough sugar...however I did have some brownie mix...but didn't want plain brownies so I came up with this:
Make your brownies as called for on the box; in a 9x13 dish.
When they are almost done, melt 1/2cup peanut butter with 2 tbls butter (may need to use a little less peanut butter and may not need butter...I'm not sure, it just looked good and made me feel like a real cook to have to melt two things together...so, whatever, this ist he first time I've made it so it may need some tweaking).
Pour the melted peanut butter over the top of the brownies when you pull them out of the oven and then put it in the fridge for about 30 mins to cool. Sprinkle powdered sugar over the top and enjoy!
Camryn and I named this "Reeses peanut butter cup brownies" Original, I know. We are JUST that creative! :) Anway, she LOVED them and said they were delicious and that I make the best stuff...usually...but sometimes not! (Gee, thanks!)
Make your brownies as called for on the box; in a 9x13 dish.
When they are almost done, melt 1/2cup peanut butter with 2 tbls butter (may need to use a little less peanut butter and may not need butter...I'm not sure, it just looked good and made me feel like a real cook to have to melt two things together...so, whatever, this ist he first time I've made it so it may need some tweaking).
Pour the melted peanut butter over the top of the brownies when you pull them out of the oven and then put it in the fridge for about 30 mins to cool. Sprinkle powdered sugar over the top and enjoy!
Camryn and I named this "Reeses peanut butter cup brownies" Original, I know. We are JUST that creative! :) Anway, she LOVED them and said they were delicious and that I make the best stuff...usually...but sometimes not! (Gee, thanks!)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
August 20, 2009 ~I am Broken; And Never Have You Loved Me More ~
I am broken
A life crumbled in defeat
I am spilled out
So on my face I fall at Your feet
And never have you loved me more.
I am damaged
Worthlessness strangles me
I am torn apart
Smothered by inferiority
And never have You loved me more.
These wounds are too deep
This pain is too raw
My strength is fading
So before You I fall
And never have you loved me more.
My sobs cry out for healing
Each tear drop screams "No more pain".
Here I am before You weeping
All I can do is whisper Your name
And never have you loved me more.
A life crumbled in defeat
I am spilled out
So on my face I fall at Your feet
And never have you loved me more.
I am damaged
Worthlessness strangles me
I am torn apart
Smothered by inferiority
And never have You loved me more.
These wounds are too deep
This pain is too raw
My strength is fading
So before You I fall
And never have you loved me more.
My sobs cry out for healing
Each tear drop screams "No more pain".
Here I am before You weeping
All I can do is whisper Your name
And never have you loved me more.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
August 18, 2009 ~ My Boys ~
Camryn's brothers have been in town for the past 2 weeks. We got the chance to see them last Wednesday and take them to a movie last Thursday. They are going back home this morning, so last night their mom let me spend some time with them. We went to eat and then took them by to see my parents. Ian is 16 and will be 17 in October and has his drivers permit so I let him drive. He really did impress me. He didn't try to show off or drive too fast or anything. He was very careful and did a really good job. I can remember when he wasn't even able to reach the pedals, I let him sit in my lap and steer around the block. Boy how time flies. Chance is 14 and as ornery as ever. No, he really has calmed down. We got to laugh about some of the things that happened when I was a part of their life full time. They had some questions about how I met their dad and the face that he always wanted me tot ell them I was older than I was. We laughed about me being 28 for the last 10 years. We talked about when Chance wrecked the dirt bike and the scar that I still have from it. It was a really good time. I love those boys as if they were my own even to this day. I'm so thankful that through the mess over the last 6 years we still have a special relationship. They will call and text from time to time not just to talk to their sister, but to talk to me. Every time we get off the phone they tell me they love me and I tell them the same. They are so very special to me and always will be.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
August 13, 2009 ~ WOW ~
It's time for healing, time to move on,
it's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it's time to find my way to where I belong
Chorus:
There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone, time to begin again, re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything - I surrender
Chorus:
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing insde of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe...
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something heavenly, something heavenly
Time fo face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
it's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it's time to find my way to where I belong
Chorus:
There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone, time to begin again, re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything - I surrender
Chorus:
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing insde of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe...
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something heavenly, something heavenly
Time fo face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
August 7, 2009 ~ Grown up Survey ~
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Electric/gas...now i'm on levelized so maybe they won't be so bad
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic date?Ummm....I can't even remember...what's romace??? I've never heard of this "romance" thing you speak of
3. What do you really want to be doing right now? sleeping so as not to be thinking about the things that consume my thoughts
4. How many colleges did you attend? zero - and i regret it
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? it's comfortable
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices? I don't understand how they can fluctuate so much so fast...i mean, they say the cost of a barrel went up, so they jack the prices up, but the gas that's in the ground was already there...it wasn't from this "new barrell". So we are like paying the higher price for the gas in the ground that's probably already paid for..and I don't know how one place can be .10$ higher than the station half a mile down the road.
7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? UGH...reality
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night? just going over and over things in my head that make no sense
9. Do you miss being a child? I miss not having responsibilities
10. What errand/chore do you despise? laundry and bathrooms
11. Get up early or sleep in? I get up early...wish i could sleep in
12. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? milk
13. Beach or lake?Either will be fine!
14. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Nope....
15. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? Neither
16. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? Nope
17. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for it's intended purpose?Not for it's intended purpose or any other purpose.
18. Ring tone? whatever came with my phone
19. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? I dont think I've ever brushed them in a strange place
20. Where have you never been and would like to go? Ireland
21. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Well, considering I hate men....I guess I would have to say a new career -with the price of dance and now 3 required dances maybe I need to start a new 2nd career
22. How old are you? 28
23. Do you have a "go to" person? oh yeah
24. Are you where you want to be in life? No...but I guess I'm where God wants me to be....obviously not learning whatever it is He's wanting me to learn
25. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Flintstones
26. What about you do you think has changed the most? I have gotten so much stronger...I still have a lot of changing to do
27. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? Yes...I'd give anything to go back to those days...but with Camryn
28. Did you have a pager? Yep I know, I was cool
29. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager? didn't really have one
30. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with? Yes, I didn't do anything terribly wrong
31.Who do you think impacted your life the most? Hmmm...my ex husband....you asked impacted the most...not necessarily the best, but he did impact me the most
32. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you? Mrs. B my 6th grade teacher and Mr. Ebarb
33. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age..."? Yes...to Camryn...I'm old
Electric/gas...now i'm on levelized so maybe they won't be so bad
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic date?Ummm....I can't even remember...what's romace??? I've never heard of this "romance" thing you speak of
3. What do you really want to be doing right now? sleeping so as not to be thinking about the things that consume my thoughts
4. How many colleges did you attend? zero - and i regret it
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? it's comfortable
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices? I don't understand how they can fluctuate so much so fast...i mean, they say the cost of a barrel went up, so they jack the prices up, but the gas that's in the ground was already there...it wasn't from this "new barrell". So we are like paying the higher price for the gas in the ground that's probably already paid for..and I don't know how one place can be .10$ higher than the station half a mile down the road.
7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? UGH...reality
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night? just going over and over things in my head that make no sense
9. Do you miss being a child? I miss not having responsibilities
10. What errand/chore do you despise? laundry and bathrooms
11. Get up early or sleep in? I get up early...wish i could sleep in
12. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? milk
13. Beach or lake?Either will be fine!
14. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Nope....
15. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? Neither
16. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? Nope
17. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for it's intended purpose?Not for it's intended purpose or any other purpose.
18. Ring tone? whatever came with my phone
19. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? I dont think I've ever brushed them in a strange place
20. Where have you never been and would like to go? Ireland
21. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Well, considering I hate men....I guess I would have to say a new career -with the price of dance and now 3 required dances maybe I need to start a new 2nd career
22. How old are you? 28
23. Do you have a "go to" person? oh yeah
24. Are you where you want to be in life? No...but I guess I'm where God wants me to be....obviously not learning whatever it is He's wanting me to learn
25. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Flintstones
26. What about you do you think has changed the most? I have gotten so much stronger...I still have a lot of changing to do
27. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? Yes...I'd give anything to go back to those days...but with Camryn
28. Did you have a pager? Yep I know, I was cool
29. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager? didn't really have one
30. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with? Yes, I didn't do anything terribly wrong
31.Who do you think impacted your life the most? Hmmm...my ex husband....you asked impacted the most...not necessarily the best, but he did impact me the most
32. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you? Mrs. B my 6th grade teacher and Mr. Ebarb
33. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age..."? Yes...to Camryn...I'm old
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