July 1, 2008 ~WOOHOO~

CAMRYN IS COMING HOME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her plane should be here around 10:45pm. I'm so excited! I can feel complete again! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please say a prayer that her flights will go smoothly! Thank you all for your support during this hard time for me. I'm sure this is just the first of many to come, but I'll get through them all. God will make a way where there seems to be no way. Hmm, I used to sing that song in the shower when I lived in Vegas and felt like I was trapped in a life I never dreamed I would be in. "God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we can not see, He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side..." How true in all aspects of life! Now, come on 10:45pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine, Kyle, is in Iraq. He is getting anxious and is wanting to come hom. The last time I talked to him he had only had 7 hours of sleep out of the last 58. He’s cranky and frustrated. In honor of the 4th of July, I thought it would be nice for some us to send letters of encouragement to him and his co-workers. Just letting them know we are praying for them and we thank them for defending our freedom. If you wish to contribute, please send me an email by noon Thursday, July 3 so I can compile all the letters into one email and get it to him for the 4th. My email address is aross@arml.org. Thank you so much. I know it will mean a lot to him and the other troops who are putting their life on the line so that we can be free.

June 26, 2008 ~ *Sigh* ~

Well, I got a text last night telling me that Camryn had planned to call me at 6pm our time, but she ended up falling asleep. I was glad she was sleeping and thought that she would call me as soon as she woke up. Much to my dismay, she didn't. Next thing I know, I'm getting a picutre over my phone of her eating ice cream. WHAT??? She woke up and didn't want to call me?!?!?!? A little while later I had a missed call from Dwight...YIPPIE, I thought!!! So I call it back and who was it?? Chance. Seriously? Chance wanted to call but my own child didn't? Then I hear music to a Mother's ear in the back ground..."I wanna talk to my Mommy". WHEW! So, I get on the phone and get about 10 - 12 words out of her and then...dum-dum-dum...she pulls on me what I have heard her do to her dad over and over again. I have even laughed and bragged about her doing this to him. She says to me, "Momma, I'm gonna call you later". AHHHHH...dagger to the heart...that's what that was. You see, when Dwight calls Camryn and she's doing anything, or even just watching TV and not interested in talking to him she will say "Daddy, I'm gonna call you later". I've always laughed thinking to myself..'hahah, she's not wanting to talk to him'. Well, that's what I get for laughing, huh?!?!
So apparently she's having a good time but in my psycho-Mother nature I was hurt and all I could do this morning was pray that she want's to come home and doesn't want to stay out there. *sigh*

June 24, 2008 ~He had the little bitty baby's in His hands~

Last night was my first night alone since Camryn has gone to Vegas. Mind you, every other weekend I have one night alone, so this is nothing new to me. However, knowing that I’m going to have 7 more nights to follow is a TOTALLY different story. Going home from work yesterday, in itself, was strange. I’m not used to going straight home from work. I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. Anyway, when I got home I had a package with my birthday gifts from my friend Kyle who is in Iraq. Among the gifts was the movie I’ve been wanting to see…P.S. I Love You. I think to myself, what better to do tonight than to just sit down and watch a movie. So, I make my taco salad and put the movie on. No one decided to tell me that I would cry through the entire thing. It’s a romantic COMEDY…sheesh! Of course, I am the person who cried during the movie The Breakup..oh yeah, I also cried during an episode of Suite Life of Zack and Cody…*sigh* and those dang Mother’s Day commercials tend to get to me. Ok, ok, so it’s safe to say I’m emotional..moving on. After the movie was over I went to sit out on my deck and spend some time with my dog who I’m watching this week. I had no brilliant idea or magnificent breakthrough thoughts while I was out there. I did not ponder the meaning of life or get my head on straight. Nope, not me…I sat out there and cried like a baby. After several minutes of sobbing and snotting all over the place I decided to go in. I had already received a call from Camryn telling me that they had made it to Dallas. She was upbeat and said that she was scared a little, but she would do better on the next flight. I should be ok after that, right? Well, I wasn’t. All the thoughts of what could happen were running through my mind. It was around then that I got a call from Dwight telling me that during the pre flight check they found a problem with one of the tires on the plane so they were replacing it. I mentioned that I had been crying like a baby because I’m not used to being away from her for this long. To which he had the nerve to reply “now you know how I feel”. WHAT??? REALLY??? He wants to tell me that’s how he feels?!?!? This from the man who stood nose to nose with me when she was a baby and called her a “stupid f***ing baby that he didn’t want in the first place”??? The man who can’t even manage to pay his child support until I have it withheld from his check?? Is he her care giver 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Can he tell me what her favorite movie is, what her favorite foods are for the week? Does he wash her clothes? Get her to school ON TIME every day? Help her with homework? Give her a bath? Read with her? Play with her? Take her to church? Clean and cut her finger nails and toenails? Does HE have a special handshake with her? Can he tell me how many teeth she has lost? What size shoes and clothes she wears? Does he sacrifice so she can enjoy the things she loves? Is it his bed she comes to when she has a bad dream? Does he make sure she eats? Does he clean her ears and take her to the doctor? Does he know who her best friend is and when that changes? Does he know how she dreams about Timbo? Does he get the notes home from school when she’s been bad? Does he have to be the good guy and bad guy? Is he up all night when she’s sick? Did he change her diapers? Did he stay at the hospital when she was in there for 4 days at 10 months old? NO! How dare he have the audacity to tell ME now I know how HE feels!!! What I managed to say to him through my fury was “it’s not the same”. I never can think quick enough to tell someone off. Oh what I would give to be Julia Sugarbaker at a time like that. Dwight also mentioned that they would probably take her to Mandalay Bay to the wave pool and let her swim. Needless to say, my mind was in overdrive as I lay in bed trying desperately to get to sleep. All I could think about was what if something happens to the plane. What if they don’t watch her in the wave pool and something happens to her. I almost gave myself a panic attack with all the “what if’s”. No one can watch her like I would. They just don’t have it in them to protect her the way I can. But, where is my faith the The One who can protect her and watch her better than even me? What an amazing thought that the creator of the universe is watching her. The best babysitter ever..and He’s free! My heart knows this it’s just getting my mind around it that is the hard part. Oh how I wish I had the faith of Abraham who was willing to sacrifice his son and at the same time trusted God that it was the right thing. This week is going to be hard, I know that. I’m sure I’ll cry a lot more, but I have to lean on God during this difficult time, knowing that He has the whole world in his hands…He has the little bitty baby…MY little baby..in His hands.

June 16, 2008 ~A Mother's Love Has No Limits~

I set out Saturday to have a relaxing time in my new swimming pool. I slept late and got up and went outside to catch some sun. I decided my face needed some sun so I didn’t put on any make up or sun screen. Two hours later I thought I should probably go in because my face was starting to hurt. ~This no sun screen thing was not a smart idea.~ I now think I may have had some sun poisoning. My friend Misty recently had a bout with sun poisoning after getting a bad burn as well. Saturday night I started to not feel well, but just put it off. I had splurged that day on some popeyes and thought that maybe I was just not used to eating that type food. Sunday I woke up and tried to get ready to go to church and spend some time with my Daddy since it was Father’s Day. Soon as I sat up, it hit me. UGH~ I spent the rest of the day laying in bed and laying on the toilet. I managed to send a text to my mom telling her I had been throwing up and I may need her to keep Camryn. I’m thinking if I have a bug, I certainly don’t want her to get it. The only thing worse than throwing up is having my baby throw up. I hate to see her sick and not be able to do anything about it. I came to realize that this doesn’t change as you get older. Here I am, almost 27 years old, I have a child of my own, a house of my own, and I’ve been living on my own for 4+ years now, and what does my Momma do? She comes over to take care of me. A Mother’s love truly has no limits. She went and got me some gatoraid and medicine. As soon as that medicine hit my stomach it came back up. I will never understand why they make such nasty medicine for people who have a sick stomach. Anyway, after that she called a friend who had some phenegrin (however you spell it) and went and got me some of that. That stuff is wonderful. I just slept and slept. Funny how no matter how old you are, when you’re sick, you want your Momma! I’m incredibly blessed to have a Momma who cares and is still willing to come take care of her sick baby. Thank you, Momma!! I love you!!

June 9 ~ Magic Springs is Magical ~

We went to Magic Springs this past Saturday with my sister and her best friends. We had a blast despite the HOT weather. This is Camryn and me waiting because she didn't want to ride the ONE ride I would actually get on...the log ride. However, we got to visit with Begina and Taylor!!

Somewhere in here is Alison with Luke and Belle and Camryn!

This is Alison, Belle and Billie...I was having a hard time with my camera phone.

Don't let Billie's smile fool you. She just finished the 'scream heard round the world'!!!! love ya, billie!

Billie's Dad, Lukey and David

This is them after they were done. Lukey was so proud of himself!! He said "I did it"!!! We had a great time with family and friends!!!

June 2, 2008 ~My Blessings~

We had a great weekend! Friday night was the awards banquet for dance. All of the dance teachers along with Ms. Karen came together and chose about 15 kids from the studio to give then “Entertainer” Award to. Ms. Karen said that they chose these kids because in a nut shell, they love to watch them on stage. Ms. Karen passed out these awards and would say a little something about each child. When she began by saying “This little girl loves to entertain and we all saw that at the wedding…”(video below) I knew it was coming. So, Camryn was excited to get this award. She also got a trophy for being in dance for 4 years. How time has flown by!

Camryn was with her grandparents for their visitation this weekend. Saturday, I purchased a pool. Myself, along with my sister and mom and my mom’s friends set it up. Later that evening we grilled and had cake for my mom’s birthday! It was a fun time.
Sunday I picked Camryn up and we came home. I told her to come look at what happened to the deck. It fell on one side, but I really just wanted an excuse for her to see the pool. When she saw it she stopped, gasped and just stared out the door. She told me Thank You over and over and I was also awarded the “Best Mom in the World” award several times over. I was having to clean out the leaves and sticks from a storm we had, so Camryn couldn’t get in right away. A few minutes later Camryn said something that makes me tear up just thinking about it. She was standing on her slide just watching me and then she put her hand over her face and said “I think I’m going to cry” I said, “why you gonna cry?” She replied with “because you are the best Mom in the world and everyone should have you”. *sniff, sniff, sniff* I KNOW!!!!! I can’t even express how much that meant to me.
She was finally able to get in the pool and she had a blast. I decided to just sit and watch her, because it was a little chilly for my liking. As I sat on my deck (broke down and all) I couldn’t help but be overcome by thankfulness for all the blessings God has given me. I mean really, I think by to where I was 4 years ago. Beaten down with no self confidence, living with my parents in the middle of a nasty divorce from a man who abused me in every aspect of the word for 4 years, a single mom not knowing how in the world I was ever going to make it. To this night, sitting on my deck in my backyard of the house I was somehow able to buy watching my beautiful 6 year old daughter playing in the pool I was somehow able to purchase. After a weekend with my family who I love and who love me even though they know me, and who have been there for me through thick and thin. I couldn’t help but be incredibly thankful for where I was 4 years ago and for the trials that I have gone through and where God has brought me today. The blessings He has provided for me for no reason, other than He loves me because I certainly don’t deserve them. I was stripped and all I could do was sit there and say Thank You over and over to the God of the universe who is also MY God.