Stronger ~The adventures of a single mother~

A few of my favs from this year's dance

2011-04-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

Trust = vulnerability and weakness

2010-12-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

I have trust issues...major trust issues. But the reasons behind those trust issues are numerous and extreme. Growing up I was taught your treat people how you want to be treated, tell the truth and you get in less trouble (i got a spanking once because I lied about something that I wouldn't have even gotten in trouble for in the first place). I lived a sheltered life. We were only around church people, good people, loving people. People, who if you needed them, they were there. In my high school years I went to a small, christian school. Not perfect by any means, but my friends there are life long friends. People I would trust with my life, and more importantly, my child's life. People I love to this day and would do anything for and I know they would do anything for me. I had this warped sense of the world. Maybe not so much "warped" as MY reality was completely different than what IS reality. December 11, 1999, reality slapped me in the face and has continued to do so ever sense. It seems like from that day to the present day one thing after another, after another, after another has proven to shake the ground of trust I stood on. "Friends" I had/have made since high school have turned out to not be friends, love has turned out to be full of hurt and lies. I sit back and watch and listen and all around me are lies and fake people...saying what you want to hear no matter how far from the truth it is. People covering up their mistakes, affairs and lives. So my lack of trust has 11 years of walls behind it.
Many relationships in my life have been crushed because of my lack of trust. In my mind, they want me to trust them so they can get by with something. I am not sure I want to trust. I don't even know that I can trust. When I start to think I should trust someone I almost start to panic at the thought. Today, I'm wondering why trust is such a hard thing. I'm supposed to let go of the past. Not compare people now to past people in my life but as I reflect on all that has happened, I have discovered that to me, trust equals weakness. And while that may not be true, that's how I feel.
I've had to fight for the past 11 years to disprove what was pounded it my head for the first 4 years after reality hit. I refuse to be weak again. I refuse to be a doormat. I refuse to be controlled. I refuse to be naive. I refuse to be played for a fool. All these things show signs of weakness. Therefore, I refuse to believe anything anyone tells me. I refuse to trust that people wont hurt me. I refuse to let anyone think they can get by with anything and play me for an idiot. I refuse to be blind. If I trust, I'm vulnerable, if I'm vulnerable, I'm weak. And I refuse to be weak again.
I know that God's strength is IN my weakness. My mind knows this. But my heart....my heart is the one that's shattered the one who puts up the walls. I just need my mind and my heart to coincide. But how? Because I don't even want to trust.

June 24, 2010 ~Polar Bears~

2010-06-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

The other night we were watching some animal planet/discovery channel show. They were concerned for a momma polar bear and her two cubs because they were getting too close to civilization rather than being out where they needed to be so they could roam without danger or without endangering anyone else. What they had to do was shoot them with some tranquilizer, put them in a large net and have a helicopter move them to a better location. The bears were aware of what was going on, however, they could not move. Their muscles would not work. As I watched I imagined that the bears were probably wondering what was going on. Why this was happening to them, never knowing that all these people were doing was trying to move them into a better place. Safer, with more room to roam and live.

It struck me. There are times in our lives when we are getting too close to harm. It seems like everything is going wrong and things that seem so confusing are going on around us and to us. We almost feel paralyzed by fear or anger at what we have to go through, yet we can't seem to move. All the while, God is simply saying "Be still and know that I am God" while he gently picks us up and moves us into a better place where we are safe and can live.

So if you feel trapped by the net or paralyzed, aware of these things around you, but unable to move, rest assured that it is all for your good. God is simply moving you away from harm.

I love this song...

2010-05-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
better than a hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkard's cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
the honest cries of breaking hearts
are better than a hallelujah

The woman holding on for life,
the dying man giving up the fight
are better than a hallelujah sometimes
tears of shame for what's been done,
the silence when the words wont come
are better than a hallelujah sometimes.

we pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
the honest cries of breaking hearts
are better than a hallelujah sometimes

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
are better than a hallelujah

~Kinda a Big Deal~

2010-01-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

When I moved back to Arkansas at 7 months pregnant I lived with my parents. Along with that I attended my parents church. It's just what I did. That was a difficult and scary time in my life and I felt safe being with them. It was where I needed to be at that time in my life, however, as time went on I felt that it was not the right place for Camryn and myself. The preacher there was the one who counseled Dwight and I when he was trying to get me back. He later told my parents that in 20 years of counseling he had never come across someone like Dwight and that was the first time he had ever feared for his own safety. So he knew the situation. When he left is when I really started to realize I needed to find a church home that was where God wanted us. Then one day my mom sent an email telling me that if I didn't feel that church was where Cam and I needed to be, that she and my dad wanted me to know that was fine. They know me well enough to know that I would stay so as not to hurt their feelings. They assured me I needed to do what God wanted me to do and they were 100% ok with that....confirmation. God always gives confirmation. So, a couple more years went by because I just didn't know where to try. One church kept popping up in my mind to go to but I kept thinking "it's so far away, I need to find something close".
That church was Vilonia Baptist Fellowship where my sister went for years. Whenever I would go visit, as strange as it may seem, always felt like home. The people were so nice and I LOVED LOVED LOVED the preaching. God ALWAYS spoke to me when I was there. One of my first times visiting was when I was going through a nasty divorce and custody battle. I can't remember what the sermon was about but it touched me and at the end of service I went down to the alter to pray. It was no time and my sister, her friend and the pastors wife where there with a hand on my back praying over me. HOME!
So, I kept putting that church out of my mind because of the drive. Until one day recently I was struggling with somethings and my friend Billie called to tell me she felt like God wanted her to talk to me. I went to her house and she was talking to me about this series of Restoration they were going through at church. She gave me a cd of the first sermon and told me when church started if I wanted to come, if not, she would continue to get me the cd's. I'm here to tell you that that series was LIFE CHANGING. I started going and even though that series has ended every single Sunday God speaks. After months of prayer, Camryn and I joined that church family this past Sunday. It's home, it's where God wants us. It may not seem like a big deal but it's a huge thing to me. It's a huge step and Camryn and I are so excited to see what God has in store for us and the church. (I know because that night while praying, Camryn said "thank you for letting us visit Mrs. Billie's church, we are just excited about that" when I told her we were not visiting we were members now she said "oh yeah, He knew what I meant"). Camryn was saved at age 6 but was never ready to be baptized. For a while now she has been begging to be baptized, so, we are going to get her set up to be baptized! We are so thankful for our new church home and can't wait to see where God leads!

2010-01-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Camryn,
This day gets me every year. It's your birthday! I wake up at 5:13am every year and pray over you while you are sleeping. I pray for Gods protection and blessing on you at the very time you came into this world. You are a beautiful example of what I need to be. You have grown up so much! You make me mad, you make me cry and you make me laugh...a lot! The second you were born I felt emotions like I never knew possible. Fear: from the moment they told me to STOP pushing because the cord was wrapped around your neck and they had to cut it before I could go any further. Love: unconditional from the moment I saw you. Unconditional love is such a powerful thing. Protection: from the time the nurse tried to take you and I didn't see her badge and stopped her to ask where it was. These feelings have not changed a bit. I love you with every breathe I take. You are my precious baby and always will be, even when you're 52 years old!

We have been through so much over the years. So much that you don't even know about. So much I want to protect you from and pray that God never allows you to go through. However, if He does, I pray His protection over you and I pray you grow through Him. There have been hard times. Times I wanted to give up, but you kept me going.

And now look where we are. Not looking back with regret or remorse but looking forward to many more years. I am blessed to have you. You were absolutely sent from God to rescue me.

I love you the mostest!!! Happy 8th birthday!

Momma

December 14, 2009 ~ Be Still ~

2009-12-14T06:55:00.000-08:00

Last week Camryn and I were on our way home from dance when He is Jealous For Me (don't think that's the name, but whatever...) came on the radio. Camryn loves this song and always says it makes her want to cry. When we got home I turned around to tell her to get all her stuff and her little face was soaking wet with tears. I asked her what was wrong and she sobbed that they were happy tears because she loves that song. When we got inside she was still crying and I told her it was ok for her to cry that sometimes girls just need to cry (got that from my friend Billie who has a daughter who needed to cry once). After a little while she finally calmed down for a few minutes and then busted in tears again. I asked her what in the world was wrong and she said that this time they were sad tears. Fully expecting her to say she missed her brothers, I asked her what she was sad about. My little almost 8 year old baby looked at me with the most desperate look on her face, tears streaming down her face and said "I don't want my Daddy to go to hell". Y'all, never before with all the mess I've gone through, has my heart ever been ripped out like it was in that minute. I just sat down and cried with her. I asked if she wanted to call him and talk to him about it and she said no and then she sobbed out "and I won't see him at Christmas to give him a Bible". In that instance I saw a living example of "faith of child" that the Bible speaks of. She fully believes that giving her daddy a Bible will lead to his salvation. And it might, nothing is impossible with God. We've been praying every night for his salvation and her brothers. Her teacher says she prays for them all the time at school. The other day she came to me with something wrapped in notebook paper and said "I need you to mail this to my daddy". When I looked at it, she had taken one of her children's Bibles (that she has read through at least twice) and wrapped it in notebook paper and wrote on the outside "Daddy, I love you, but please read this". Wow...she's such an example of what I'm supposed to be.
So, rewind a little bit. Before Camryn had this melt down on the way home, I had gotten a text from her dad asking if he could fly her out to Vegas on the 18th then they would go to L.A. on the 19th to visit his cousins and then drive here and be here by the 22nd. I was so torn. I usually just say absolutely not, but for some reason I was considering doing this. When she had this melt down I thought I needed to send her, but I didn't have 100% peace. This is not any normal good hearted daddy, so a decision like this is not easy. I talked to some very good friends and I prayed and cried and prayed and cried and begged God to show me what to do. I went to bed that night thinking a good nights rest will help and I'll wake up with a new perspective, after all, I begged God to show me if I need to send her or not. I woke up the next day and still had no idea what He wanted me to do, say she can go or say she can't go. I was trying to put God in a box. I was telling Him I trusted Him and asking Him to show me what to do, but at the same time I was giving Him two options. Later in the day it came to my mind that I had a conversation with someone not too long ago and that person stated to me that Camryn's dad had his drivers license suspended. And then all at once it hit me and all I could think was "Be Still and know that I am God". I had told Dwight that before I decided if Camryn could go or not I needed a detailed list of what they would be doing and when, a copy of his drivers license and proof of insurance (i know from the past he has issues with doing things legally). He never got that information to me and I found out his license was suspended. If he asked me about her coming again I was going to tell him that he never got me what I needed so I thought he changed his mind. I was just going to let it play out and I was going to "be still and know that He is God" and let him work. I didn't hear anymore from him until this morning when I got a text telling me that he thinks it's best to leave Camryn here because he can't get a plane ticket for her at a cheap price. Those of you who know him know this is not like him.
In this, I learned a valuable lesson. Be still and know that He is God. I don't have to fret and worry and panic, I just need to sit still and let God do God and Andrea do Andrea! He knows what He's doing...this is such a DUH statement but for some reason, it's so hard to grasp that. I'm hoping to get to the point that I automatically Be still and know that He is God, instead of panicing and freaking out and THEN remembering that He is God!

25 Christmas Questions

2009-12-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

25 Questions About Christmas

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper....but I usually procrastinate and end up just having to throw the gift in a bag (with lots of thought, just really fast thinking!)

2. Real or Artificial tree?
I'm OBVIOUSLY a fake person! (fake tree, fake boobs etc :) )

3. When do you put up the tree?
Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving, but this year, since I didn't have Camryn that weekend we did it the weekend before Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down.
Weekend after Christmas...I'm usually tired of it by then

5..Do you like eggnog?
Never tried it, but considering I can't drink whole milk cause it's so think I doubt I would like eggnog

6. Favorite gift as a child?
This is where I get sad because I can't remember anything anymore. I think it would have to be the trampoline.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
Everyone I know!!!!!! Seriously, with the exception of Camryn.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
Oh, oops, Camryn....got a lil ahead of myself up there.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes, small glass one....the one I got griped at by my child this year for setting it up wrong. I mean Lord forbid the baby Jesus be turned the wrong way or that wise man not be in the same spot as he was on the box...geez!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards.
I do neither. For a couple years I pretended to mail cards. I'd get a picture and have the cards made and then never send them. The past two years I just decided to stop faking myself out and just give up.

11. Worst Christmas gift you received?
probably anything my ex mother in law got me. Just sayin.....I don't collect dolls!

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
So many, White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life, Grinch....and that one on Lifetime where the boy goes in the snow globe....love me some Christmas movies!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
This year it will be on December 18th.....it's always after I get my Christmas bonus at work (thank you Lord for that!!!)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Not that I can think of....but it does sound like something I would do!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Breakfast casserole and sausage balls!

16. Lights on the tree?
Is this a real question? Does anyone NOT put lights on their tree? I mean, really???? Yes, white lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Some of both. This year my schedule actually worked out to go to Alabama and see my family I haven't seen in 6 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen Comet Cupid Donner Blitzen and Rudolph (i couldn't do it, but i cheated off my sisters paper)

20. Angel on tree top or star?
Neither I go for the funky new look of having stuff stick up.

21. Open presents on Eve or morning.
Morning fo sho!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
all the Grinch's that seem to come up....and the fact that people get their panties in a wad if you say MERRY CHRISTMAS instead of happy holidays. UGH!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
I have red and sliver, but i like the new red and lime green...or that pretty blue....I dunno yet.

24. Favorite memory of Christmas?
When we got the trampoline and i was so excited I about tackled my sister

when my dad burned all my Christmas gifts by accident...that's right, burned them!

and i feel like this year will make the list when Camryn see's her new puppy!!!

25. What do you want for Christmas?
an umbrella....a cute umbrella! No joke!

November 23, 2009 ~ This song...Oh, this song ~

2009-11-23T10:58:00.001-08:00

So I'm sitting in church Sunday when the preachers daughters go up to sing a special. The second I hear the song it took me back to a time in my life that, although it was horrible, I'm thankful for it. When I was married I used to sing this song over and over. I remember being home alone when the boys were at school and the ex was "working" and just sitting in my room sobbing and singing this song...clinging to the words as if my life depended on it. Sunday I tried to fight it, but the tears flowed as I remembered the desperateness I used to feel. It was like every single word I could relate to. It was the hope I needed and the assurance that one day, when I finally learned to depend on Him, I would be freed from the bondage I was in.

"Things change, plans fail.
You look for love on a grander scale.
Storms rise, hopes fade
and you place your bets on another day.
When the going gets tough, when the rides too rough,
when you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be loving you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Time flies, hearts turn,
a little bit wiser from lessons learned.
But sometimes, weakness wins
and you lose your foothold once again.
When the going gets tough, when the rides too rough,
when you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as the steady rain,
Jesus will still be there,
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you
When it looks like you've lost it all
and you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there."

amen and amen

~For Sale~

2009-11-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to sell this TV. It's a 32" ilo. Works great. I'm asking $175 obo.

I'm also trying to sell my old wedding set. It's beautiful, 14kt. yellow gold. Total 1.44 ct diamonds. The round center stone is .50ct. It was appraised in 2003 for $2600. I'm sure it would appraise for more now that the price of gold is so high. I'm asking $1500 obo. Thanks to Billie of Moments by Billie for the beautiful pictures of it!

Either of these items would make great Christmas presents! Especially the rings for that lovely lady in your life ;) (see how I pretend a bunch of people read my blog...even men?!?!?!) Feel free to pass my blog along if you know of anyone who might be interested!

November 5, 2009 ~ anyone have some humble pie? ~

2009-11-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was mis match day at school. When Camryn got home last night she said that all the kids were talking about her because they said her stuff wasn't mis-matched enough. I told her it was too, that I certainly wouldn't let her wear that on a normal day. My friend Barb was with me and she said "they just couldn't tell because you looked so cute in it". A few minutes later she says this...

"I'm not bragging but I do look pretty cute in everything"

*sigh*

November 2, 2009 ~ Gabriel Austin Ross ~

2009-11-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

I didn't have Camryn this weekend, so I spent the weekend with my BFF Barb and got to keep Gabe!!! He is the most precious thing ever and of course the closest thing to a boy I will ever have since I have decided I do not want anymore children. Anyway, Saturday was halloween so of course he had to have a costume and I found the perfect one at Target. I was a bumble bee last year so I had my costume and found Gabe a bee costume (picture of him at the bottom, I left out the one of me heheheh). I also found him a sweater, which somehow I didn't get pictures of and this christmas hoodie that has a candy cane on the back and it says "sweet". Even though he looks as though he hates me for these clothes, he really does love! :) I can't wait to see him again!!!

P.s. Camryn gave him the middle name Austin....just incase Santa brings a boy dog!! :)

Oct. 29, 2009 ~ Speechless ~

2009-10-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

Do you want to be moved this morning????

Go you youtube and pull up Nicole c Mullen My Redeemer Lives and listen to it...really listen to every word. WOW!!
I heard this on the way to work and needed to hear it today. There are just no more words needed, when you listen you will understand!
p.s. and watch the one that is 10 minutes 40 seconds...it's worth your time. TRUST ME.
p.s.s. WHEW....i just had church up in here at work watching this!!!! Ok, I'm done with my p.s edits...LOL

Christmas GIFT!!!!!!!!

2009-10-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

THIS is what I'm working on for Camryn for Christmas. I found this on arkansasmatters.com and have been emailing with the lady. She has agreed with me on a good price for yorkies and he is registered and comes with papers. He is 10 weeks old and up to date on all his shots and worming. I'm supposed to meet her this weekend in Conway. She has two of these lil guys and will let me pick. She is also bringing the parents for me to look at their size etc. Then Camryn's grandmother told me she was sending me money to put towards this precious thing and it is over half of what I will pay for him. AND....I have two people who are willing to keep him until Christmas, letting me keep him at home on weekends I don't have Camryn. Everything seems to be falling into place. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

I was wanting a girl so we could name her Gabriella and dress her in pink bows and sparkly collars...I mean uhhhh...so Camryn could...this is ALL for Camryn....everything for the kids....anyway....this one is a boy and boys seem to be cheaper (as they should be..haha) and I have read they have a better temperament. And let me just tell ya, in my house we certainly don't need anymore female temperament. We have our share. So I'm totally fine with having a boy. However, the delima of the name and the pink came up. I thought to myself, he would never know he had a girl name and wore pink so I'll just stick with that. I mean, I had a boy cat with a girl name, right?!?!? It was then that my mother reminded me of how mean that cat was...and it was probably because we called him Gracie and all the other cats on the block made fun of him. And really, if I decide to breed him and get stud fee's (wink wink) I doubt people will be interested to buy a puppy who'd dad's name is listed as "Gabriella". SOOOOO, I decided on Gabriel and probably gonna call him Gabe. AHHHHHH....so excited. *AHEM* I mean, Camryn will be so excited! :)

And have I mentioned that this lil guy seriously has already stolen my heart?!?!? I can't hardly even stand to look at his picture because he's so cute it hurts me! I love him and he loves me already!!!

October 1, 2009 ~ Santa's Broke ~

2009-10-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Forever my heart has belonged to big dogs. I love my Chewy girl and she sounds mean so I feel good about her being in my backyard. Lately, though, I've had a desire for a cute little Yorkie. I mentioned to Camryn that one day we may get one, but they are expensive so not any time soon. MISTAKE! Ever sense then she has talked about wanting a yorkie. I mean, I want one too...I sort of already have a name picked out...Gabriella and we will call her Ella. I can just see her with a cute little bow in her hair (which will be kept short) and a cute pink sparkly collar and how cute she will be to take everywhere with us....I'm just sayin....it could be fun... but at the same time, more responsibility...just what I need *sigh*. I sorta talked myself out of it due to the added expense and responsibility and seeing as how I'm not getting child support and broker than a joke I don't really need any added expense.
This morning Camryn came to me and said "Momma, when it's my turn to be student of the week and if it's after Christmas, will you bring the Yorkie cause Mrs. Young said we can bring small pets". *Ahem* My response: "Ummm, what Yorkie?" She said "I'm getting one for Christmas" I said "How do you know you're getting one for Christmas?" She said "Ummmm I'm putting it on my list" (like DUH) I panicked a little bit and said "Cam, Santa doesn't always bring you everything on your list". To which she replied "He usually always does" *SIGH* This is what I get for getting things on her list and giving the list to grandparents and relatives to get the rest. I'm holding out hope that in these next 3 months, someone at school will let the cat outta the bag about dear, sweet, BROKE Santa!!!!

Sept. 29, 2009 ~powerful~

2009-09-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

Y'all this song is powerful. I heard it on the radio driving down the road and literally got chill bumps and felt tears well up. I got on the phone and told my friend Barbara she HAD to listen to this song. I'm going to try to put the youtube thing in here so you can listen. If it doesn't work (cause I'm not computer savy) go to youtube and type in Mikeschair Let the waters Rise. AWESOME SONG!!!!
Ok, so for some reason I can't paste....so please take the time to go to youtube and listen. In the meantime the words:

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where you want me to
God I trust you
(Chorus)
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knee
SO let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow you
I will follow you
I will follow you

I will swim in the deep
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

(chorus)

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God Your love is enough
I will follow you
I will follow You

(chorus)

Sept. 21, 2009 ~ Girls weekend away ~

2009-09-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to Hot Springs with my best friend Barbara. She's around my mom's age, but we are like peas and carrots. Anyway, when I got there we went to the Buckstaff for a bath and massage to relax. It was very nice, although a little uncomfortable since you're naked in front of strangers. They literally give you a bath...wash your back, arms and legs. I'm not gonna lie, I was thinking "well, at least I have good boobs". I'm just sayin....
So, after we did that we went back to the hotel to take a nap. When we got up we had some time to kill before we wanted to go to dinner so we were just hanging out in the room. We were a little hungry and Barb had horded apples and peanut butter from the hotel breakfast that morning. Apparently she was afraid we would run out of food at some point, which would obviously be devastating. :) We decided to eat our apples, but didn't have a knife, so I said I would go down to the desk and get some. As I was down there I realized I didn't know what room number we were in. When I stepped on the elevator I realized I didn't even know what floor. I had a little moment of panic, but thought I remembered we were on the 2nd floor. For some unknown reason I thought I would be able to figure out what room we were in by remembering how far down the hall we walked! I got to the door and was pretty confident I had the right room 223. When I knocked Barb didn't answer. So I stuck my head up to the door and could hear someone. That's when I realized I must have the wrong room. At this point I just stood in the hall not knowing what to do. Then I remembered I knew Barb's phone number, which is a miracle in itself cause I don't know any phone numbers I just find them in my contacts. Anyway, I went back down to the front desk and humility had to take over. The lady at the desk came over and I said "Do you happen to have a phone I can borrow? I can't remember what room I'm in". As she laughed she asked what the name was and told me I was in room 221. When I got to the room I was cracking up laughing. *sigh* The things I get myself into.

Sept. 14, 2009 ~ Never thought I'd see the day ~

2009-09-14T11:49:00.001-07:00

So, I can't sit Indian style anymore. Seriously....I can't. It hurts my hip and I can't walk when I stand up. I also can't sit with my right leg curled under me. Most of the time, when I get up from any sitting position, I have to limp the first few steps.....I'm just sayin....

Setp. 2, 2009 ~ He WILL ~

2009-09-02T10:08:00.001-07:00

I had to make a special blog for this one. Billie said she almost did away with this one because Cam was looking down, looking mad, I was looking well....something...anyway...then she thought of this Bible verse. If you can't see it, click on the pic to make it bigger and you can see the verse at the top. This is a verse from the Bible she pointed out to me and it is VERY special. God WILL restore the years the locust have eaten!

L-O-V-E this! LOVE it, ya hear me?!?!?! LOVE IT!!!!!!! :)

Sept. 2, 2009 ~ Photo Shoot ~

2009-09-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Camryn and I had a photo shoot with a friend of mine who is just getting into photography. You couldn't tell by the pics she took. She has been a special person in my life for the past 10-11 years. I love her and her family with all my heart. Her daughter and Cam have been friends, literally since birth. We went out Saturday and spent 3 hours taking pictures. 300 + pictures to be exact. Here are a few that she narrowed down and I picked. Some of these of Camryn MELT my heart! She's knew to picture taking so you should get her now while she's cheap!!!!! Moments By Billie...go over to the right and click on Following Footsteps or maybe it's under Billie Overstreet...anyway, that's her personal blog and she has a tab at the top right for her photo blog! She's awesome! Enjoy!

She was mad and hungry but I still love this!

Be still my heart!!!!

I love these collages!!

The necklace in this pic is what I bought after my dear friend Brian passed away...in memory of him. LOVE that pic of it! Anyway, these are just a few....she's awesome! Thanks Billie!!!! Love ya!

August 31, 2009 ~ What Do You Do? ~

2009-08-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

What do you do when your 7 year old daughter sits in the back seat of the car and cries because she missed her dad? How do you deal with that issue knowing he doesn't really care? Oh, he pretends to care when it's convenient for him. But in my mind I hear the numerous times I heard "I know a doctor who can fix that" when I was pregnant with her. I know that he once aborted a child and, although he tried to make it sound as a joke, he probably would have been totally fine with ending her life. I hear in my head the night she was a sick baby and was crying constantly and I was crying because my baby was sick and I couldn't make her better and he asked if I was glad I had a baby now. My response "of course I'm glad, she's sick and can't help it" and his answer "She's just a stupid F-ing baby that I didn't want in the first place". I see myself sitting on the bed with her beside me and the lap top being slammed on my hand and I cry out in pain and my baby, less than a year old standing next to me crying. I picture myself being held down to the bed by one of his hands with the other one raise in a fist while she was sitting right next to me watching it all. I feel the oatmeal as I cleaned it off of her face after he threw a full bowl at me while I was holding her. I remember the nights she was in the hospital and he didn't have enough concern to stay with her over night and suggested that I not stay. I count the nights after we divorced that he was supposed to have visitation with her, but left her with his parents to go party instead. This is what I hear, see and remember as this precious child sits in the back seat and cries because she misses him. What do you do? How do you deal with that? My heart aches because she cares for someone who she will one day realize doesn't care for her.
Oh God, PLEASE PLEASE hold her, please heal these broken down places in her soul that are there because of my not following Your will. The broken places of her heart that will come as she comes to realize that her earthly father is a terrible person. God please....Holy Spirit intercede I don't know how to pray....

August 27, 2009 ~ another wow ~

2009-08-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
and give you life

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you
I'll never let you go.

~Tenth Avenue North; By Your Side

August 25, 2009 ~ Did That Really Just Happen? ~

2009-08-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Mornings in my house are full of "hurry up's", "Get Dressed", "Brush your teeth", "If you don't hurry you 're going to go to school naked". They overflow with last minute running around grabbing things we've forgotten, turning lights off and throwing some food in the dog bowl and putting on belts as we walk out the door. Today was no different. It doesn't seem to matter how early we wake up, we are always rushed. I've said many times "I'm lucky to get out of the house dressed". I'm sure we Mom's have all said that at one time or another...but did we mean it literally?
This morning I get to work, walk across the parking lot and come in the door with another girl as we chit chatted. Walk past 4 co-workers saying hi (or grunting as it usually comes out) to get to my desk. I put my purse in it's spot and sit down to turn on my computer. As I did this, I felt my arm on my side. I looked down and I DID NOT ZIP UP MY SHIRT!!!! I have on a shirt that zips down the side from under the arm pit to just a couple inches above the bottom, thus leaving my entire side, bra and all, open to the public. Humiliation! I said "OH MY GOSH" and jumped up to show a couple co workers what I had done. I mean, if everyone else saw it, why not include them?!?!? I couldn't believe no one said anything to me! *sigh* Maybe they didn't notice. So, when I said "I'm lucky to get out of the house dressed" in the mornings....I MEAN IT!

August 24, 2009 ~ Dessert ~

2009-08-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here is a good and easy dessert I made up last night as my PMS was kicking in and I was in need of chocolate. I wanted to make no bake oatmeal cookies, but I didn't have enough sugar...however I did have some brownie mix...but didn't want plain brownies so I came up with this:

Make your brownies as called for on the box; in a 9x13 dish.
When they are almost done, melt 1/2cup peanut butter with 2 tbls butter (may need to use a little less peanut butter and may not need butter...I'm not sure, it just looked good and made me feel like a real cook to have to melt two things together...so, whatever, this ist he first time I've made it so it may need some tweaking).
Pour the melted peanut butter over the top of the brownies when you pull them out of the oven and then put it in the fridge for about 30 mins to cool. Sprinkle powdered sugar over the top and enjoy!

Camryn and I named this "Reeses peanut butter cup brownies" Original, I know. We are JUST that creative! :) Anway, she LOVED them and said they were delicious and that I make the best stuff...usually...but sometimes not! (Gee, thanks!)

August 20, 2009 ~I am Broken; And Never Have You Loved Me More ~

2009-08-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

I am broken
A life crumbled in defeat
I am spilled out
So on my face I fall at Your feet
And never have you loved me more.

I am damaged
Worthlessness strangles me
I am torn apart
Smothered by inferiority
And never have You loved me more.

These wounds are too deep
This pain is too raw
My strength is fading
So before You I fall
And never have you loved me more.

My sobs cry out for healing
Each tear drop screams "No more pain".
Here I am before You weeping
All I can do is whisper Your name
And never have you loved me more.

August 18, 2009 ~ My Boys ~

2009-08-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

Camryn's brothers have been in town for the past 2 weeks. We got the chance to see them last Wednesday and take them to a movie last Thursday. They are going back home this morning, so last night their mom let me spend some time with them. We went to eat and then took them by to see my parents. Ian is 16 and will be 17 in October and has his drivers permit so I let him drive. He really did impress me. He didn't try to show off or drive too fast or anything. He was very careful and did a really good job. I can remember when he wasn't even able to reach the pedals, I let him sit in my lap and steer around the block. Boy how time flies. Chance is 14 and as ornery as ever. No, he really has calmed down. We got to laugh about some of the things that happened when I was a part of their life full time. They had some questions about how I met their dad and the face that he always wanted me tot ell them I was older than I was. We laughed about me being 28 for the last 10 years. We talked about when Chance wrecked the dirt bike and the scar that I still have from it. It was a really good time. I love those boys as if they were my own even to this day. I'm so thankful that through the mess over the last 6 years we still have a special relationship. They will call and text from time to time not just to talk to their sister, but to talk to me. Every time we get off the phone they tell me they love me and I tell them the same. They are so very special to me and always will be.

August 13, 2009 ~ WOW ~

2009-08-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

It's time for healing, time to move on,
it's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it's time to find my way to where I belong

Chorus:
There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again, re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything - I surrender

Chorus:

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing insde of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe...
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something heavenly, something heavenly

Time fo face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

August 7, 2009 ~ Grown up Survey ~

2009-07-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

Electric/gas...now i'm on levelized so maybe they won't be so bad

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic date?Ummm....I can't even remember...what's romace??? I've never heard of this "romance" thing you speak of

3. What do you really want to be doing right now? sleeping so as not to be thinking about the things that consume my thoughts

4. How many colleges did you attend? zero - and i regret it

5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? it's comfortable

6. What are your thoughts on gas prices? I don't understand how they can fluctuate so much so fast...i mean, they say the cost of a barrel went up, so they jack the prices up, but the gas that's in the ground was already there...it wasn't from this "new barrell". So we are like paying the higher price for the gas in the ground that's probably already paid for..and I don't know how one place can be .10$ higher than the station half a mile down the road.

7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? UGH...reality

8. Last thought before going to sleep last night? just going over and over things in my head that make no sense

9. Do you miss being a child? I miss not having responsibilities

10. What errand/chore do you despise? laundry and bathrooms

11. Get up early or sleep in? I get up early...wish i could sleep in

12. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? milk

13. Beach or lake?Either will be fine!

14. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Nope....

15. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? Neither

16. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? Nope

17. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for it's intended purpose?Not for it's intended purpose or any other purpose.

18. Ring tone? whatever came with my phone

19. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? I dont think I've ever brushed them in a strange place

20. Where have you never been and would like to go? Ireland

21. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Well, considering I hate men....I guess I would have to say a new career -with the price of dance and now 3 required dances maybe I need to start a new 2nd career

22. How old are you? 28

23. Do you have a "go to" person? oh yeah

24. Are you where you want to be in life? No...but I guess I'm where God wants me to be....obviously not learning whatever it is He's wanting me to learn

25. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Flintstones

26. What about you do you think has changed the most? I have gotten so much stronger...I still have a lot of changing to do

27. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? Yes...I'd give anything to go back to those days...but with Camryn

28. Did you have a pager? Yep I know, I was cool

29. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager? didn't really have one

30. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with? Yes, I didn't do anything terribly wrong

31.Who do you think impacted your life the most? Hmmm...my ex husband....you asked impacted the most...not necessarily the best, but he did impact me the most

32. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you? Mrs. B my 6th grade teacher and Mr. Ebarb

33. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age..."? Yes...to Camryn...I'm old

June 18, 2009 ~ Unsure ~

2009-06-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

This isn't my typical post. Most of the things I put on here are thought out and brought on by some fun or funny event. This one...I have no idea what I'm going to write but I can assure you it will not be fun or funny. However, this blog is about the adventures of a single mother and I promise you, not everything is fun. So, here we go and we'll see where this leads. Probably no where, but that's ok too.
Do you ever find yourself wishing God spoke to you through billboards? I do..all the time. I'm at that place right now. I'm not so good with the "still, small voice". I heard it said once that God speaks to us in a still small voice because in order for us to hear we would have to be close to Him. That makes sense. Maybe if I was where I needed to be with God, His still small voice would actually be a billboard. I find myself crying out to Him to help me get closer to Him. To help me focus on Him and Him alone. I know in my head that I need to get my vertical relationship right and then everything else will fall into place. Not to say that everything will be peachy, but it will fall into place with where God wants and if I'm in tune with Him those struggles will just be buildingblocks. I know that, I just don't know how to get from point A to point B.
I'm so blessed, beyond measure. I have been through hell and back and I'm actually to the point in my life where I'm thankful for those terrible years because I learned so much. Through those years I learned how faithful God is. I can honestly look back and see one set of foot prints in the sand and know that I wasn't alone, that God was carrying me. Although the things I go through now pale in comparison to the things of my past they are still difficult. I know there is a reason for everything. Every struggle is a learning tool I just wish I could learn whatever it is God is trying to teach me so I could move on from this on particular thing that keeps happening. I mean, I have my blonde moments and I know God is sitting up in heaven thinking "sheesh, Andrea, what color are your roots...I'm pretty sure I made you brunette" :)
I just get tired of having to be so strong all the time. I literally laid in bed the night before last and just cried for God to give me peace and clarity and rest and to just hold me. As a single mom (and I hate to even say that because there are so many more single mom's who have it way harder than I do) you feel every burden. There is no one there to share those burdens with. It all lies on your shoulders and you can be rockin along fine and all of the sudden the weight of everything just buries you in the ground and you feel like you can't breathe. Although I know I do not have to carry the burden.. if I could just give up control and give that to God I would be a lot better off. Why is it so hard to give that up? Why do I worry? Why am I bothered by the fact that I'm ready to settle down and have a family? Why do I let the thoughts through my head that I've been divorced for 5 years and had maybe 1 or 2 "relationships" and the longest of those was merely 5 months control me? I know I need to learn to be content because where I am now is right where God wants me to be. He is obviously still trying to teach me something that I haven't learned in regards to relationships because I keep finding the men who start out great and end up changing mid-stream. It's frustrating because I have so much more at stake, I have a child who I have to think about. I just want to drive down the road and see a huge billboard that says "Andrea marry ______" or "Andrea get this job" or "Andrea I'm trying to teach you this...learn it and lets move on" or whatever the case may be.
I know that in times like these I need to cling to his word that He has a plan for me, plans to prosper me, not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. I just wish I knew what those plans were...but I guess that would defeat the purpose of Faith. Which is what it all boils down to.

June 17, 2009 ~pictures from girls night with the travs~

2009-06-17T07:58:00.001-07:00

Girls Night Out ~Travs Game ~

Here we go

Notice I'm not driving..I'm still in the carport so no hate messages about pics and driving!

I love that she is all smiles not knowing she had ketchup on her face!

Can't go to a baseball game and not get a hotdog!

Me and my silly girl

I BIG heart her...so much!

Oh the DS...unaware at this point we were supposed to be watching the cute players. *sigh* She'll learn!

This is after the boy was "checkin me out" hahah!

And the field!
Good times with my baby girl!

June 16, 2009 ~My Wing...Girl~

2009-06-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

Camryn and I got some free tickets from my work to go to the Travs game last night. So we had a little girls night out complete with hot dogs, nachos and frozen lemon aid! Pink, no less! Oh, and the Nintendo DS. Cam's not quite to the age of understanding the importance of going to a baseball game and enjoying things such as the cute, tall boys in uniform..I mean..uhhh...the competition and the love of the sport *ahem* anyway.
The time came for the frozen lemon aid so we headed out to the ice cream stand. I'm oblivious to my surroundings most of the time (which is not good these days...women should be alert at all times) but not Camryn. All of the sudden she said, "That boy was CHECKIN' you OUUUTT". It was hilarious! We went on and got our lemon aid and went to sit down. Then Cam started laughing and said "remember that boy checkin you out?" (she knows my memory is not good and apparently thought I'd forget after about 5 minutes...which is highly likely). I laughed and said yes and asked her if he was at least cute. She looked at me like I had lost my mind and said "He was a KID!!! Like Ian's age....WEEIIRRDDDD....AWWWkwAARRDDDD!!!"
Y'all I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. It only got better when I said "did you just say awkward?" and she laughed and said "Yep, I don't even know what that means".
*sigh* I love these times with her when we can just be silly and hang out like girls!!! LOVE HER...who needs a man?!?!?!?

June 15, 2009 ~couple o' pictures~

2009-06-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

This is Camryn with her babysitter Kelley. I had Camryn in daycare the first week out of school and just had a terrible feeling about it. And with my amazing intuition I just couldn't leave her there.(my intuition is always right on) Kelley is one of the "big girls" at dance. She's amazing, and came up to me one day at dance and said she heard I was looking for someone to keep Camryn. She is a HUGE blessing. She's on vacation this week, but her first week with Camryn was spent swimming, going to build a bear, painting fingers and toes etc. She comes to the house so Cam can sleep in (and I get a summer break from having to get her up and ready...which means I can sleep in a little too and no fighting about socks!!!). She was very good this past Friday for Camryn during the bad storms. I'm so thankful for her this summer and Camryn is loving it.

So a week ago I had my first motorcycle ride. Not a big nice motorcycle...but a sport bike. For me to say I was scared would be a huge understatement, however, I lived!...and it wasn't THAT bad. But to put on a helmet during a panic attack can cause some MAJOR claustrophobia...and not being able to find the strap to take it off...yeah, not fun. But once again, I lived! (Thank you Lord)

June 8, 2009 ~ He is in a better place ~

2009-06-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Saturday I had to meet my dad out this side of Sheridan. While I was out that way I decided to go on down to Pine Bluff to the cemetery where one of my best friends was buried. He passed away 3 and a half years ago. It just doesn't seem possible that he's been gone that long. The last time I went out there was 6 months after he died. It was gut wrenching so I haven't been back. That was 2.5 years ago, so I felt I needed to go and try again. I didn't expect it to hit me as hard but on the way I started thinking about Brian and remembering all the funny stuff and fun times we had and I cried the whole way out there. It was a beautiful day so I just sat out by his grave for a while. I cried and prayed and laughed at some of the memories. I met Brian at work when I started working at AML. He was one of our IT guys. He was one of the most intelligent people I have ever known, although you could never tell it by looking at him. He was hilarious and always making some sort of joke. He was placed in my life during one of the most difficult times...my divorce. He let me cry on his shoulder and let me vent and was always there with some joke to make me laugh. He put up with people showing up at his house threatening him over me (Dwight's friends) and never blinked an eye about being my friend. He was an amazing person and I miss him dearly. He will always have a huge place in my heart and I can't wait to meet him again one day. His tombstone says "A Friend To All" and that is so true! Rest in Peace Brian ~I miss you~

June 1, 2009 ~ P.S ~

2009-06-01T08:29:00.001-07:00

I had a dream about Adam Lambert last night. WHAT?!?!?!? Yeah, I did. He was my friend and I was watching him cut hair. I'm not completely sure, but I think I have a secret crush on him. I mean, I have the obvious crush on Kris Allen...he's precious...but yeah, secret crush on Adam. It's really weird.
~The End~

June 1, 2009 ~ This and That ~

2009-06-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

Camryn's dad got her a phone. Yes, my 7 year old child has a phone...a touchscreen no less. She had been asking for a phone and it was just a crazy thought to me. She's always with me. So of course, I kept telling her no...maybe when she is 13 I'll consider it. Anyway...he sent her one...for whatever reason. So now I get text messages like this from time to time:

Or from the backseat of the car I'll get a text that says "hi" or like this morning when I was getting ready for work I get a text that says "dance stuff is ready" from her bedroom. I'm really not sure what I was thinking NOT getting her a phone...she OBVIOUSLY needed one!

So, she is officially a 2nd grader now. *sigh* That sounds so much older than 1st grade. She finished her 1st grade year with straight A's all year. I'm so proud of her! I don't know that I ever got straight A's. She's a smart little cookie and I am so thankful for that! She had to start daycare today. She was nervous and told me her hand was shaking. I absolutely hate leaving her somewhere she isn't comfortable but I know that's part of life and she will be fine. It's just so hard to know you child is nervous.

Yesterday my mom came over and we tackled the job of cleaning out my pool. It was nasty. We chose to do it in the middle of the day, which was really smart considering it was 93 degrees with not clouds. And to top it off, my house needs insulation so it doesn't cool. So to go inside to a house that was 83 degree's was not fun. Of course my mom did most of the work...it's just the way it goes. I was raised in a home with 3 first born children...so I'm not exactly one for having to work hard...everything was always done. lol Anyway, we got the yuck out and now we just need to scrub and fil'er up. Speaking of my Mom, today is her birthday!! Happy Birthday, Momma!

Saturday I got to spend some time with my sister. I met her at 9:30am and we went shopping. I need some new work clothes and I have NO fashion sense and can't match stuff...so we played What Not to Wear. I don't get to see her much so it was fun to spend a few hours together!

I guess that's about all the catching up I have for now!

May 14, 2009 ~ Puppy Love ~

2009-05-14T10:57:00.001-07:00

Camryn and I have a new addition to our household/yard. My friend Blake...here we are...

recently got this lab from the people who live behind my parents. It's a guy we used to go to church with years and years ago. Anywho...he was FIRED up about getting this dog. He works at the Conway airport as a manager and he was taking Jackson to work with him. He called me yesterday after work upset because his bosses wife said he couldn't keep the dog with him everyday at work because she didn't want her business to smell like a dog. His landlord at his home doesn't allow pets so he was going to have to give Jackson away because he couldn't stay at his house all day. Enter me...the one who brought home a lab puppy that someone was giving away for free when I was in high school...without consulting my parents! :) I just couldn't stand the thought of 1. Jackson going to someone else and not getting treated right 2. Blake being all mad and upset and never getting to see Jackson again. Hence the following pictures!

How sweet is this? They look like they are kissing, but in actuality Chewy had just growled at Jackson for trying to jump on me and they are only sniffing each other. I think there is a little jealousy, but with time it should all work out!

Precious big puppies!! No one is coming in my back yard! ;) So I went home at lunch since today was the first day to have them and I wanted to check on them. I got my lunch started and went out side to see how they were doing. After I finally got Jackson out from under the deck I was playing with them and snapping some these pictures and thinking to myself...what am I gonna eat for lunch? Then I went back in and the smell reminded me that I had already started my lunch. Which leads me to this....my grilled cheese!

OOPS!!!!

May 11, 2009 ~ Mother's Day ~

2009-05-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

Being a Mother is not an easy task. From the moment you realize you have a little person growing inside of you, you worry. Emotions are stronger on every level. You are responsible for another life...a life you love more than your own. You cook, clean, do homework, become a taxi driver, discipline, catch throw up, wipe snotty noses, find rocks in shoes, snuggle, hug, kiss etc. It's the hardest job you'll ever love. One day out of the year is yours to enjoy and get recognized for all the things you do. 364 days out of the year you devote yourself to everyone else...1 day you get pampered. So what did I do on Mother's Day, you might ask?
Slept late
Dusted
Dishes
Vacuumed
Dusted picture frames on my wall
Washed all the clothes
Washed the sheets
Swept the floor
Scrubbed the bathtub
Scrubbed the toilets
Cleaned clothes out of my closet that I don't wear
Picked up all the rooms
Ahhhh a mother's job is never done. I did take a break and run through Zaxby's to get my lunch, and Arby's for Camryn (since she doesn't like Zaxby's). The sweet little girl who gave me my food did tell me Happy Mother's Day, although my own flesh and blood had yet to remember...and has STILL yet to tell me Happy Mother's Day. But she didn't totally forget...I did happen to find my Mother's Day card she made at school stuffed in her backpack as I was cleaning it out, and asked if that was my card and in all her sweetness she replied "oh, yeah". *sigh* it's nice to be appreciated.
I did realized that you can't really appreciate all your mom does until you have grown up. I'm sure I didn't appreciated my Mom when I was young. However, being an adult and now having a child of my own, I know there is no way...NO WAY I could ever repay or express the love and appreciation I have for my Mother. She is a tower of strength and beauty and grace. She loved me when I was unlovable. She disciplined me so I would know right and wrong. She stood by and let me learn from my mistakes and was there to pick up the pieces when everything came crashing down. Being a mother is hard and she raised 2 of us. I only hope that I can be half the woman she is! I love you, Momma!
Who needs a day to be pampered anyway...it's over rated. I know Camryn loves me. It's shown by her wanting to hold my hand all the time. She tells me constantly that I'm the best. It's evidenced by the messages she leaves me in the foggy mirror after a shower, or in the sweet kisses through the day. Being a mother and is hard but it is a job I wouldn't trade for anything or anyone in the world.

May 4, 2009 ~ Why Did They Have to Shoot Him??? ~

2009-05-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

Although it's difficult for some, me in particular, to say positive things about myself in fear that I will come across as stuck on myself, I will admit that one of my good qualities that God blessed me with is a tender heart. When I was young I can remember watching Old Yeller with my sister and then running to my mom's room in tears asking her why they had to shoot him. She had no idea what I was talking about but I finally got my point across. It hurt me so much that they had to kill Old Yeller.
Fast forward a few years and when Camryn was little (OMG did I just say "when Camryn was little"???) she was watching Milo and Ottis and at the point where they get separated she put her head down and started crying. And when I say little, I'm talking like 3 years old. Suffice it to say, she was also blessed with a tender heart. Last night we rented Hotel For Dogs (good movie, by the way) and there is a part where the brother and sister, who are foster children, have to be separated. Camryn laid her head down on my shoulder and began to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said "It's so sad". Poor baby! Give her a few years and she'll be crying at At&t commercials too.

April 30, 2009 ~ Hard Parts of Life ~

2009-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Last night Camryn experienced a part of life that hurts and seeing my baby go through that just about killed me. I got a text from her Dad that told me that Cocoa, their dog at her Mamaw's house, died and that Camryn probably saw it. I sent a text to Judy telling her I was sorry to hear Cocoa died and asked if Camryn was ok. She told me that Camryn was fine just puzzled by what happened as they were. When Camryn got to my mom's house she was in good spirits so I was thinking it was smooth sailing. We watched Idol (btw...OH MY GOSH!!!) and headed home. On the way Camryn said "It's like I have a record playing over and over in my head". I asked her what she had stuck in her head, thinking it was going to be a song, because this happens to her a lot...she's just got the music in her. Her response ripped my heart out and I knew what was coming. She said, "Go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...I just keep hearing it over and over". As she was telling me this her little innocent voice got shaky and then the tears came. When we got home we sat down and I just held her as she cried and kept saying "I just want Cocoa alive". It was killing me. I had no comforting or inspirational words, I just rocked her and cried with her and told her it's ok to be sad and to cry. Y'all it was almost more than I could take. I sent her dad a text telling him Camryn was really upset. He called and she talked to him and her brothers and that seemed to help a little bit. She drew a picture and told me she would always remember Cocoa and for me not to worry that she would get over it. She would pull herself together and then it would hit her again and she would start to cry. It made me think about God's love for His children and how it must kill him and rip his heart out when we are hurting and crying. How He must be holding us and crying with us in our times of trouble, telling us it's ok to be sad and that everything will be ok. His love is amazing!

It is a part of life but I'm telling you I would rather hurt a million times than to see my child hurting like that. And let me just be the first to say....the first guy who hurts her and makes her cry like that better hope he stays away from this Momma!

April 24, 2009 ~ Directionally Challenged ~

2009-04-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

To say that I am directionally challenged would be putting in mildly. I have had this disease, DC as I like to call it, pretty much all my life. It first surfaced when I was 16 years old and my boyfriend needed me to pick him up from working at the airport. I asked my dad (because I KNEW my Mom would never let me drive to the airport by myself...what???) and of course he let me! :) Ronnye gave me directions and told me when I get to the light turn left. Sooo...I'm driving a long the freeway looking for a light. When I get to Galloway I realized I missed the light somewhere, pull into a truck stop and call him crying! Obviously, I found my way back as evidenced by me writing this blog.

Fast forward to last night. Camryn and I went to watch a friend play softball in Maumelle. Now, whoever invented those circle/yield/thingys in streets need to be shot. I mean, when do you go? Do you go all the way around? What ever happened to a stop sight and a 90 degree right or left turn??? *sigh* That was mistake number one. But we ended up getting to drive through a really beautiful neighborhood on a golf course. I told Camryn not to fret, that I had this. I find my way back to Maumelle Blvd and see the sign that says 430South this way and 430North this way. At this point, I panic because I don't know which way I need to go. So I did the only natural thing to do and went straight. After going straight for a little while I told Camryn that I was pretty sure I was lost. Mind you, I'm finding it very humorous because, I know me not to mention I had text my friend who said "how do you get lost? you just go out the same way you came goober". Yeah, he's not known me in the last 10 years. Anyway, I told Camryn we were lost and my precious child panics a little. She said "Mommy, I'm scared" I kinda laughed and told her I would find my way out. Then she said "I wish that song would come true!" I said "what song?" She said "I Hope You'll Always Find Your Way Home". I cracked up, y'all. I couldn't stop laughing which only furthered her frustration with me. So, I found a church parking lot and turned around. Then a I saw it!!!! A sign that said "Little Rock" Glory Glory! I announced to Camryn that we were on the right track now and we would be home soon, text Blake to proudly let him know I found the freeway and took off! A little way on the free way and I realize that....I was going in the wrong direction. Who knew there were 2 ways to little rock?!?!? I mean, they really should put up signs that say "Andrea, go this way to get home" It would make things go so much better. Anyway, I saw the Rodney Parham exit and took it, turned around and made it home! I should probably invest in one of those GPS units!

This was Camryn after we got back on the right direction! All smiles!

And this is me and my oops...oh well face!

April 21, 2009 ~Fashion Police~

2009-04-21T06:39:00.001-07:00

Dropping Camryn off at school this morning:

Camryn: There's (annnnddd we'll call him T-Dawg to protect the innocent) "T-Dawg"
Me: oh, is it?
Camryn: Yep, the crazy dresser
Me: crazy dresser?????
Camryn: YES, he wears tall socks with his shorts!!!
Me: Cam, that's not crazy...be nice

I'm pretty sure that was a defense mechanism for the day when she finds pictures of me in high school when we used to wear tube socks...two pair in order to make them taller! :)

April 13, 2009 ~ Happy Easter; He is Risen Just as He Said ~

2009-04-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

Camryn and I had a great weekend! We woke up Saturday and went to the beauty shop so I could get my hair and eyebrows did! Then we went shopping for a friend's birthday and headed to Conway for the party. It was a boys party and all about baseball, but Cam found some friends and they played together. After the party she and I went to see the new Hannah Montana movie..joy of all joys...I'll never understand how she got so big cause the girl can not sing. After that we went home and colored our Easter eggs while I made sure she understood the reason for Easter.

Sunday morning was church, then to my mom's for some ham. Camryn had dance from 4pm-5pm and then we went home and did some cleaning. We actually found the carpet and the dresser that have been in Camryn's room all this time. Who'dathunkit?!?!? Here are some pictures of us Easter Sunday at my moms.

April 9, 2009 ~ I know what a child feels like ~

2009-04-09T10:38:00.001-07:00

I heard a very interesting story on the news about some pirates who overtook a ship out somewhere near Africa I believe. I found it quite interesting because I did not know there was really such thing as a pirate. Even more so, this day in age. It kinda blew my mind a little to think about there being for real pirates. So, I asked my esteemed colleague and friend Barbara if she knew there was really such thing as pirates and she didn't either. I began to read the story of what's going on and the more I read the more it blew my mind that there really are real live pirates. I was intrigued. I can't understand how these pirates in small boats can overtake a huge ship. Now, I've never seen Pirates of the Caribbean so I'm no expert, however, I have seen Peter Pan. I have just never given it much thought until today. I then text my friend Blake to find out if he knew there was such thing (He's pretty smart so I figured if he didn't know either I was safe). Of course he knew. Then I asked if they were dirty and wore patches and said things like "arrrrggg". And I'll be danged if he didn't say No. I told him that I just didn't understand this whole thing and that it was very frustrating and asked him what the heck a pirate is if they are not dirty and don't say "arrrgg". I mean, really?!?!?! I've been believing a lie all my life...it's very disheartening. I'm not even kidding, they should not call themselves pirates. I asked if they even have a plank and he didn't know. It's absolutely mind boggling to me how these so called "pirates" overtake a ship from a lil life boat...and why? What's the point? And how can they call themselves pirates when they look nothing like Capt'n Hook??? I did a little research and this is a pirate in my mind:

However, when I found some pictures of the "pirates" who took over this US ship they looked like this:

Seriously?!?!? This looks like the African track team in the Olympics (and I'm not at all being derogitory). It's just not right. None of them have an eye patch, I see no black flag with a skull, no long nasty beards or big heavy coats and every single one of them have two perfectly functional hands!!! Now I know what it's like to be a child and find out the truth about Santa and the toothfairy.

April 9, 2009 ~ Did I Just Say That?? ~

2009-04-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

So, for the first time ever I actually feel old. Let me explain. Most of my life I have hung out with people older than me. I have, for the most part, dated guys that were older than me and had friends that were older than me. My ex husband is 10 years older than me and my dearest friend is my Mother's age. With that being said, I have always been the young wipper-snapper. I'm the youngest at my work place and all my friends these days are older than me. I'm the baby of my family so I'm used to being young and spry (is that the right word?). It's just what I do.
Weeeelllll, I recently got back in touch with a friend of mine from YEARS ago (And the simple fact that I just said "YEARS ago" screams "YOU'RE GETTING OLD" *sigh*). We have been in contact and are developing a great friendship and enjoying catching up with one another. So he called last night to tell me about this thing called "Fight Night" at the UCA campus. Mind you, he's 26 years old..younger than me. Anyway, he explained what it was and asked if I wanted to go. I love me some boxing type sports so I thought it would be fun. I worked out the details of my parents keeping Camryn for me (THANK YOU) and confirmed to him that I would be able to attend. Shockingly enough...I'm a girl, so I had to ask what I needed to wear. He told me that most of the girls wore things such as spaghetti straps/tubetops/haltertops with jeans...dress casual and he told me what he was wearing. So when I got home last night I decided to pull out my "hoochie Momma" clothes and figure out what I was going to wear. As you might imagine, this was 100 times better because...well...I have some girls to go in these shirts now!!!! So I found 3 that I thought fit good and accentuated the right things!
THAT is when it happened you guys. I thought to myself that maybe I should go shopping to find a new shirt because....drum roll please....and I quote...."I don't know if these shirts are in style...I don't know what kids are wearing these days".
I'm not even kidding y'all. I said that...and meant it...I really don't. I mean, I have this really cute longish black tube top with a belt that fits tight around my upper waist. The sisters LOVE this shirt because the belt makes them stand out...but do people wear wider belts like that anymore??? And then it hit me that I will be the old one, my friends. NOT the young one.
Voices of people calling me "Ma'am" started sounding in my head and visions of people helping me over steps started flashing. I started picturing myself saying things like "Not" or talking about NKOTB and trying to make conversations with these kids about tie-dye or puffpaint clothing...maybe trying to crack a joke about doing something and at that moment busting out the Urkel voice and saying "Did I do that?"...or worse I saw myself singing Don't Worry Be Happy at the exact moment someone got knocked down in the fight...then I saw myself walking into the place in some overall's with one strap undone wearing some penny loafers...then I recalled the horror video my parents have of us at the lake and me doing some cheers for the camera in some homemade shorts with white socks and dark shoes..those kind you used to make the laces into a "bumble bee" not tie them... *sigh* It was all very disturbing. And to add insult to injury, my friend Barbara told me this morning that I will probably be 10 years older than most of these people. Thanks for the support Barb. She thought it was hilarious..Me, not so much!!!

April 6, 2009 ~ Weekend Fun ~

2009-04-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

Camryn was start student last week at school, so Friday I took off work early and took some cupcakes to her class. She is also on the ALL A honor roll this year, so after school Friday we went and got a pedicure! It was her first one and she loved it. I have more pics but they are on my camera...these were from my phone.

Then Saturday and Sunday was another competition where she did great again! She got Diamond 1st points on her solo and duet. Solo got 5th place over all (and there were a lot of petite solo's in this one) and duet got Diamond 1st points and 2nd place over all...which is AWESOME! They beat some really awesome dancers!!! Camryn was so upset because she got mixed up in her solo and started to do a little bit of her duet. She was crying and really down. Apparently the judges didn't notice because of how well she scored!! Everything else she did...all her trick ie cartwheel landing on one foot and right into a heel stretch..perfect...her turns, perfect...needle perfect...she just did great!

And look who made it into the program!!! A mom came up to me asking if I saw the program and I hadn't. She grabbed one and opened up the first page and ta-da Camryn's solo from last year!!!

All smiles after it was over and we were about to eat!!

March 31, 2009 ~ Almost a year ~

2009-03-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

Remember this from an old post??? This was Garrett, my best friends son on the day he was born...April 22, 2008.

And here we are the second day of his sweet life

And this is Garrett now!!! He is almost 1 year old! This was yesterday, March 30, 2009!!

And here we are again, almost a year later!!

Garrett loved Chewy!

And here are the 3 of us. My best friend since 8th grade and PRECIOUS Garrett!!!

I can't even express the love I have for these 2 people!!

Such a sweet picture of Mom and Son!

Mine and Garretts self portrait....gotsta have one of those!! :)

Time sure flies by!!!!

March 30, 2009 ~ A Few More ~

2009-03-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more pics of the sisters in a different shirt!

March 25, 2009 ~ The Sisters ~

2009-03-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

The sisters are here. Everything went great. I was back to work on Monday. I ended up having to leave early because I was worn out and feeling a little sore. However, I worked a full day yesterday and am doing great today. I had very little pain. In fact, I wouldn't really call any of it "pain". I would describe it more as really uncomfortable. The worst part was when Charles and my mom had to remove the tape from my sides in order to remove the pain pump. That's the only time I cried from pain....yeah, tape. Sleeping is uncomfortable because I have to sleep propped up and I'm a side sleeper. Knowing now what I know, I'd do it again. Not that it was a barrel of fun, but it was not what I expected. I only took my pain meds the day of surgery and Saturday. I took them less often Sunday and haven't had one since 3:30am Monday morning. I go for my follow up on Monday and am now just waiting on them to drop on down into place!

March 17, 2009 ~ Ode to Boobs ~

2009-03-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

All my life I’ve been small busted. I always joked with my sister that it wasn’t fair she took my portion. It was always interesting to me to put one of the cups of her bra on my head! It’s been an ongoing joke for a long time about me having no boobs. It was always a dream to get a breast augmentation, however, it seemed like one of those dreams that I’d never actually go through with. It just seemed out of reach. I never realized how insecure I was until I started considering a BA seriously. I noticed that I would always make sure to have on a padded bra. I wouldn’t even consider a bra until I had felt it to make sure it had PLENTY of padding. It started to really sink in that I was very uncomfortable with how clothes fit. I had my daughter 7 years ago, and even though I was small busted, it still took a toll. They just were not as perky as they used to be and not as “full” (if that’s what you wanna call it)! Well, within the last 10 months or so, I have lost 20 lbs and there is just about nothing left. So…I got my tax return and set up a consultation!!! This coming Friday I'm having my surgery, so in light of that, I wanted to take a minute to give recognition to...The Girls.
Dear Girls,
I know right now it may seem as though I'm turning my back on you. You have been there for me through thick and thin, literally. You gave my daughter the nourishment she needed when she was born and for that I am forever grateful. You were the butt of many jokes that I got some great laughs out of. However, I always defended you. I'm not getting rid of you. I'm merely enhancing you. You have been a...small... part of my life but a constant nonetheless. So as we come to this crossroad, it is with great honor that I turn in my resignation as President of the IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee). I will forever be a supporter of the IBTC and will never forget you.
All My Love
Andrea

March 16 2009 ~Memories Made ~

2009-03-16T06:48:00.000-07:00

Camryn and I had one of the best weekends we've had in a while. Just me and her. We laughed so much together. From her getting stuck in her shirt and me trying to get her unstuck, accidentally choking her while doing it...and then laughing so hard at the face she made as she muttered "you're choking me, Momma". I laughed so hard I couldn't pull the shirt off. To yesterday when I SERIOUSLY had the longest burp EVER known to man....or to me anyway. I excitedly looked at Camryn when it wouldn't stop and she began to panic and told me to stop. Then I later realized that she thought I was turning into a monster. We had movie night where we took silly face pictures and laughed about her pooting...it was a great bonding weekend that we desperately needed. Then we did this thing that Billie did with her kids.
1. What is something mom always says to you?
I Love you (this is so true..I can't stop telling her)
2. What makes Mom happy?
Doing what she says (at least she knows...now if we could just put it into practice)
3. What makes Mom sad?
Not doing what she says (she's got that one down pat!)
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Making funny faces and taking silly pictures (aww the memories)
5. What was your mom like as a child?
like me (this is true)
6. How old is your mom?
27 (mind you, at the pharmacy yesterday she asked what year I was born. When I said 81 she said "man that was a LONG time ago" yeah, the pharmacy lady got a big kick outta that
7. How tall is your mom?
I don't know, like 5 or 6 feet. (you'd think so with the height of the men who i tend to date)
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
mostly go shopping (which I DO NOT like)
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
laundry (hahhah!!! not so much)
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
rich (sweet!!!!)
11. What is your mom really good at?
Coloring (at least there's something)
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Uhhh...DANCING (WHA??????)
13. What does your mom do for a job?
regular work (not on most days)
14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Cabbage (lol..this is funny to me..she just started liking cabbage)
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
You play with me (awww)
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
sponge bob *after I sigh* What? I love him (ERRGGG, knew that was coming)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Movie night and a lot of things (yay!)
18. How are you and your mom the same?
sometimes I act like her (all the time) and two times we've thought the same thing at the same time
19. How are you and your mom different?
hair, eyes and she's older than me (thanks for pointing that out again)
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
she hugs and kisses me a lot (i do, indeed)
21. What does you mom like most about your dad?
*yeeeeaaahhhh, we skipped that one!*
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
mall (ehhhh not so much)

March 12, 2009 ~ Lord Help Us ~

2009-03-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

It is becoming more and more apparent that my daughter is MUCH like me. She may not look a thing like me. I mean, if I hadn't spent months running to the bathroom every 2 seconds because she was smashing my bladder, or spent hours in labor giving birth to her, I'd question if she was mine. However, if you know me (who am I kidding?? I have 5 readers all of which know me) and listen to her talk you will know without a doubt she's mine...or I'm hers. Either way, because on more than one occasion my BFF Barbara will call me Camryn. Needless to say we act very similar! Last night she was lying on the couch and I was on the floor watching the news. The weather no doubt because Camryn is obsessed with weather...anyway. They mentioned Texarkana. This for some reason piqued Camryn's interest and the following conversation in sued:
Camryn: Texarkana
Me: Yeah, it's down south Arkansas...(always trying to impart knowledge)
Camryn: (ever the student) That's a cool word
Me: oh (obviously disappointed that she wasn't caring what I had to say)
Camryn: Texarkana...that's a fun word to say
Me: You know what word I always thought was fun to say in high school?
Camryn: What?
Me: Connecticut
Camryn: Connecticut...no, I don't think thats fun.
Me: It SO is fun...Connecticut
Camryn: Nah...Texarkana...Connecticut...what word do you think is fun to say?
Me: Uhhh...Connecticut
Camryn: Oh, I like Texarkana

This may not be funny to any of you, but in high school Ashley and I would have similar conversations. Time just seems to repeat itself. And don't be jealous by the deep and meaningful conversations that my child and I have.
And by jealous I mean...don't laugh! :)

March 9, 2009 ~ Seats and Tiaras ~

2009-03-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend marked a new chapter in Camryn's life. We all know that law that says you have to be 6 years old and 60lbs to get out of your booster seat, right? Well, Camryn is 7, but when she turned 6 she was no where near 60lbs. She's still not quite there, but if I wait for her to be 60lbs she'll be 16 years old and I'll be putting her booster in the drivers seat before she goes somewhere. She's tall so the strap doesn't cut her off at her neck and I feel pretty ok with her not in her booster, but, well...I just wasn't ready to let go of it. For a while now she's been asking if she can get out of the booster because, she's NOT a baby. It all started when she got in the car with a friend (who's 8 by the way) and she asked why she was still in a car seat. Camryn said "My MOM makes me". UGH did she have to say it like that??! And for the record, lil girl...it's a BOOSTER, not a CAR seat...sheesh. Anyway, my excuse to Cam was when I vacuum the car she can get out of it. (Raise your hand if you understand that statement and don't want your child sitting the stuff that tends to gather and grow under a child's seat!) Yeah, well, that was my excuse, and knowing how often I vacuum my car, I figured that would give me at least another 8-9 months. The weather was amazing Saturday, so I washed my car and yes, vacuumed it. Camryn was so excited to get out of the booster seat. She was even excited that he car was clean and made the comment "man, they really did a good job vacuuming the car". UHHHHH, They NOTHIN'. I did that. I can't imagine her automatically assuming that someone ELSE vacuumed the car. *Hmmph* So, she's officially a big girl now. Next step...sitting in the front seat. Anyone know the law on that? I mean, I'm thinking like...16yrs, 17yrs old??? :)
We also had a dance competition this weekend in which Camryn did awesome again. She got 1st in her division on her solo. 5th place in the top 10!! I didn't know I had entered her in the running for the Title (like she won last time) but apparently I did. She got 2nd runner up and received a TIARA!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally something fun and girly. She wore it most of the day...even wore it into Shorty Smalls when we went to eat afterwards..silly girl! (This is where I DO NOT mention that I put it on when we got home...WHAT??? I never won a tiara and deserve my princess moment..besides, who are you do judge??? ;) ). Camryn and Callen's duet got 1st in division and 3rd place in the top 10. Their hip hop large group got 1st place in the top 10! YAY!!!!!!!!! And the Tap Large group got 6th place in the top 10!! I was so proud...they all did so great!!! And even after waking up at 5am on day light savings day which felt like 4am...I survived the day with minimal witchiness!!! Go ME!

March 5, 2009 ~ Where does she get this??? ~

2009-03-05T06:37:00.000-08:00

So, last night I went to pick up Camryn from dance. Her teacher and a mom told me how great she did. She walked out of the room, no problems. While we were standing there she mentioned that she hurt her foot...around her ankle. Knowing when my child is in real pain or I-want-attention-pain, I told her it would be fine so let's go. The walk to the car was nearly impossible for her. She limped and whined and "cried" the whole way. (Mind you, she just did her dance amazingly well and walked out of the room without hesitancy.) The ride home was fine, we chit chatted and when we pulled up to the house she was telling me about how when she got home from dance the day before she was telling her Nana that she didn't think me and Ms. Barbara were there, but that like we actually like were. (My friend is staying with me for a few days while her car is in the shop.) She got out of the car without a problem and was continuing to tell me the story. Then it seemed to have hit her...Ms. Barbara is in the house..another chance for some sympathy!! The limping began again. She walked in the house and looked and much to her dismay, Ms. Barbara was not right there. She limped her way back to the back bedroom where she told Barb that she hurt her ankle and that she has hurt it before, but it's way worse this time. Me, being the wonderful mother that I am, was not fazed and told I told her to get in the shower. At this point she began to work hard at getting some tears and she whined about not being able to stand up in the shower. Somehow, through the pain, she managed. While she was getting ready for bed, Barb was in the kitchen and was watching her walking around her room perfectly fine. When Camryn realized that Barb was in the kitchen she grunted. Ms. Barbara asked her what was wrong and Camryn told her that her foot hurt so bad it was hard to get into her bed. *sigh* At this point I remembered the last time she hurt her foot...for real...the doctor wrapped it and it was magical. I didn't have a wrap but I did have a scarf. So, I took my scarf and "wrapped" her ankle. Let me tell you...that scarf had magical powers as well. Instantly she could walk! WOOHOO. This morning, before she woke up I snuck in and took the scarf, thinking she probably forgot the intense pain she was in last night. When she woke up, she had forgotten. Walked to breakfast with no problems. Then it hit her...when she saw me...and she began to limp. I said nothing. Then I looked in her room and she was tearing her bed up looking for the scarf. Of course she couldn't find it because I HID it! (what?? that's what being a mother is all about...hiding stuff). Anyway...no more problems this morning. I'm just wondering...where does she get this flare for the dramatic??? SHEESH!

March 3, 2009 ~ This and That ~

2009-03-03T06:24:00.001-08:00

First of all, let me take a minute to say hi to one of my new readers, Mrs. Iris How!!! She and I have occasional visits at Target and when I saw her last night she told me she thought my blog was funny and that she's getting to know me by reading it!!! She is just precious and now I'm up to about 4 followers!!! I never dreamed my blog would take off like this! :)

Next order of business. Last night the Owl Family Association had their second Family Night Out (I think they should have called it "Family Night Owl-T" but no one asked me..anywho...or anyhoot..hahah!!!) When I showed up I went to say hello to Camryn. She had her legs on the seats beside her and wouldn't let me sit down. She hardly gave me a hug because she was too busy looking for her "friends". I then made the STUPID mistake of asking her if I could sit by her. She told me...*sniff*...NO! WHA???WHA???WHAT???? She told me she wanted her friends to sit by her. Now, as if "can I sit by you?" was not dumb enough, I proceed to ask "am I not cool enough to sit by you?". She told me no, y'all. *dagger in the heart* This was a first and let me just tell you...I'm NOT ok with it. I mean, I think I'm one of the coolest people ever. I can do the boot scootin' boogie, the macarina and know most of the words to Hangin' Tough by NKOTB! You really can't get much cooler than that! *sigh* Moving on...
Later during the evening, I was standing in line to get food when one of Camryn's friends came up to me to let me know that Camryn spilled her drink on her pants and my purse and she was crying. THEEEENNNNN all the sudden she needed me. She came straddle walking up to me with big ole tears to tell me she spilled it on her and my coat. I hugged her and told her to go clean it up, that it will be ok. The man behind me said, "Is that your little sister?" I told him no, that was my daughter and he then told me that I didn't look old enough to have a child her age. At this point, I wanted to kiss this man. I did refrain seeing as how he was married and a stranger and my Mom is his children's principal. But it was a nice thing to hear after such a heart wrenching night.
While at this "Family Night Owl-T" my mom point out the bully who was pulling on Camryn's arms and she couldn't get free from him. This boy has been bullying kids at school and Camryn was one of them. We had a little lesson on "defending yourself" and mean by which to do this. So, he was there and I gave him the evil eye. I don't think he saw me, but I'm sure he felt it.
It was an interesting night...one of many to come, I'm sure. I'm just not sure how to deal with this whole not being cool thing. Maybe if I get a DS I can text with my daughter and find out how to go about being cool. Or, maybe I'll just not worry about being cool and be the Mother I was meant to be! :)

March 2, 2009 ~ Holes ~

2009-03-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

I have a real hard time buying new trouser socks or knee highs. I just never think about getting those when I'm at the store. Mine have holes and it doesn't really bother me that much. It's not one of my OCD issues. You wear shoes over them so no one really knows anyway. That's just how I look at it. Apparently, my daughter aka Fashion Police, doesn't feel the same way. I had on some of my "holy" socks yesterday (afterall, it was SUNDAY). This is how our "conversation" went down:

Camryn: Mom (she likes to call me this when she's feeling sassy) you have holes in your socks.

Me: Yeah, I know

Camryn: Uhh, it's annoying

It's not that bad, is it? I mean, no one sees this. Sheesh!

February 27, 2009 ~ Really? I mean...Really? ~

2009-02-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I was sitting at the dinner table with Camryn as she was telling me different stories about things that have gone on at school and who is bossy and who thinks he's cool when he's really not and who jumps on the desk and how she's "like...you're not supposed to jump on the desk" and like...like...like...I got lost. I can't tell you much of what else we talked about because I was distracted by the fact that my 7 year old now throws in "like" about every 2 words or so. Really??? Does that start this early? And her facial expressions...I mean, really??? Is she like 15 or something? Like Really? I mean, like, I am, like, soooo not ready for, like, this stage in life.

Oh my word!!

February 25, 2009 ~ God Is Good ~

2009-02-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

I just found out some exciting news! Let me start by saying God does provide and He is AWESOME! When I was married my credit was RUINED by my ex. I mean RUINED. I went to try to buy a car with him...not knowing my credit was bad. I had no idea he was ruining my credit. I got there and got chewed up one side and down the other by the dealer. He told me that if I walked in with $10,000 cash, he couldn't get me in a car with the shape my credit was in. The whole time, Dwight just sat there and let me take the lashing for something HE did. Today I had my credit run and just got word that my credit score is...ready....742!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I own my home and car and have a credit score of 742. It is amazing to me how God provides when you step out of your comfort zone and follow His will!

February 25, 2009 ~ Guess Who? ~

2009-02-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

Who remembers this oh so fun game? My sister and I used to play this all the time. Remember picking your one person and fighting to slide that lil card with their picture in between the bars to get it to fit in the little flippy thing? Oh the heck of trying to do that. Then you begin with "Is your person a girl?" If the other player says 'No' you close all the girls and go on. Well, Camryn wanted to spend some of her money so she bought the new addition of Guess Who. OMG! WHY did they not have these things when I was growing up...check this out!!

Look at this nifty board. You just pop open the side and all the "doors" fall open. No more fighting to get them flipped out. And then you place the board...look at all these, and this isn't all..

In the back, close the "door and tada...you slide your little slider at the top over the person you choose and begin to play. Only this time, you don't answer out loud!!!!

They have green and red buttons on top for yes or no complete with SOUNDS and flashing LIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man...they just make toys so much cooler these days!!!!

February 23, 2009 ~ FOR SALE ~

2009-02-23T12:12:00.001-08:00

I'm TRYING to sell my old wedding set. If you want them or know of someone who wants them, please pass the word!! Email Andrea at brwneyez915@yahoo.com
14kt yellow gold
1.44ct diamonds total (center stone .50 ct.)
Size 8
Appraised at $2600.00
Price $1300.00

February 23, 2009 ~ It's Happening...Never thought it would..but it is ~

2009-02-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

I never thought this would happen. I mean, I have always heard that it would happen, just never thought it would happen to me. I guess this is my lesson in "never say never". The moment took me by surprise and leaves me awestruck to this very minute. I mean, this wasn't in the plans, however, it's happening my friends. Yes, I am in fact....turning into my Mother. *sigh* Not that that's a bad thing by any means. My Mother is a wonderful person. Strong, smart, beautiful, independent and motivated. However, these are not the qualities of which I speak/type. It's slowly been creeping up on me, however, I've been in denial. The signs are all there. The frustrated sigh's, the disgusted grunts, the closing of the bedroom door...they are all there I have just ignored them. After last night, I can no longer deny it. I am turning into my Mother. Something was said last night about Camryn's MP3 player and I mentioned how she can't find it and this is the 2nd MP3 player that she has lost. My mom mentioned that she thought it was in Camryn's room. That's when it happened, folks. It took over me like a wave crashing down on a rock. I couldn't stop it. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't even feel it coming. Before I knew it, it was out. "Well, that's the problem...if she would pick up her room, she might be able to find something". WOW! As it struck me, all I could do was say "Man, that sounds familiar." I just had to suck up my pride and let my mother enjoy the moment.

February 18, 2009 ~ My Boys ~

2009-02-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

Camryn's brothers were in town this past weekend so I got to go over and visit for about 30 minutes. I can't believe how much they have grown up. I came into their lives when they were just turning 4 and 7. Now they are 13 and 16....time sure goes by fast. I had a very close relationship with both of them. They are very special to me and will always have my heart. I loved them and raised them as if they were my own. I still love them with my whole heart!! Ian is 16 and Chance is 13! Wow!!

February 16, 2009 ~ Happy V - V - Valentines Day ~

2009-02-16T10:44:00.000-08:00

Wow...really??? This year marked a new thing for me. I celebrated Valentines Day for the first time in years!!! The past several years I have celebrated S.A.D (Singles Awareness Day) so to have a Valentine made me feel a little out of sorts. I mean, what do you do? This is new territory!! My Sweetie-pie and I had our Valentine's Day on Friday night. He took me to Mike's Place in Conway for dinner. We had a booth off in the back so we could spend time talking and getting lost in each other's eyes, while whispering sweet nothings across the table. Ok, not really, but we did have a very nice dinner. We really do enjoy our dinner dates that we try to have a couple times a month. With children, it's hard to find time alone, so the time we get to spend together one on one is always very special and spent with lot's of talking and laughing. Now, I know some of you are probably sick at your stomach right now with all the lovey dovey-ness but trust me...reality has hit and Mr. Wonderful is by no means Mr. Perfect...however, he quite possibly could be Mr. Perfect for Andrea. There is a complete difference in the two. Anywho...we had dinner then went to pick up his daughter and went home. I spend the weekend with Charles since my ex Valentine...UGH...was in town... I just didn't feel comfortable staying at home alone. After a not so comfortable nights rest on the couch, we got up Saturday and I spent the day playing with Alaina...hunting deer and taking our puppies to the hospital etc....while Charles did some much needed house work. That evening, which was actual Valentine's Day, we went to church...which was kinda neat cause it was our first date place....then rented the movie Fire Proof and watched it. Very good movie...and book, I might add. Oh yeah, during the day Saturday I took my special wonderful Valentine girl a balloon, candy and a stuffed worm to her. I also got to see my boys. Well, they are not mine anymore, but I consider them mine still. Sunday was spent playing with Alaina as well. All in all it was a good weekend. I did almost make up my mind that I do not want any more children. Having a 7 year old who is SOOOO independent, I had forgotten how much work little ones are! Here are a few of the pics we took while playing this weekend. I'll post some of the boys soon. Hope you all who have a sweetie had a great valentines day. And to those who are celebrating S.A.D...Happy SAD. It's REALLY not all that bad!! :)

February 12, 2009 ~ 4th folder 4th picture ~

2009-02-12T10:05:00.000-08:00

So I went to my 4th folder and had to pick the 4th picture...here it is. This is me and Charles when we went 4 wheeler riding for the first time.

February 10, 2009 ~ She has a point ~

2009-02-10T06:38:00.000-08:00

My daughter is attached to my hip...almost literally. If I leave a room, she's gonna follow me. I seriously can't even use the bathroom alone. I'm not exaggerating here. Then there are times when she hurts my feelings. You as mother's know that feeling all too well. So, when she does or says something that hurts my feelings (but is not meant to be mean spirited) I will become very dramatic...although I'm sure that's hard to believe. I will try to pull a guilt trip on her by saying "That's fine...I just carried you for 9 months...and gave birth to you....and raised you by myself for 7 years...but that's fine" ya know, things such as that. I do this quite often lately, because she seems to want to spend more time with Charles than me. *dagger in the heart* Or if she has the choice to ride with me or my parents, she will pick them. So I always point out the fact that I gave birth to her. So last night she was attached to my hip. We were sitting down to color and I told her to scooch over on the couch and give me some room. I said "Why you always gotta be right up on me?" To which my lovely child said "Because I LOVE you....and you gave BIRTH to me!" I couldn't help but crack up laughing. She's the best!!!

February 9, 2009 ~ My Valentine ~

2009-02-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

I got this for Valentines Day from my Valentine. He wanted to send them today so that I could enjoy them at work all week. He knows my favorite color is purple and my favorite flower is tulip! :) He's so good to me!

February 9, 2009 ~ Jr. Miss Nexstar ~

2009-02-09T07:16:00.000-08:00

Camryn had another competition this weekend. They have 3 categories to comepte in: Prestart, Newstar and Nexstar. Ms. Karen wanted Camryn in the Nexstar category which is this "NexStar Division: Dancers who take more than 5 hours of class per week and have significant competition experience should be considered for this division. The NexStar Division is open to all performers and will be adjudicated, as well as receive additional high score awards within their division" She was competing against some awesome dancers 2 years older than her such as Sloan and Timbo (for those of you who know them...ie. Alison). She received 1st place High Gold points in her age division. Then she received 2nd place high score in the top 10 which is all dances ages 8 and under. She got second place only to Timbo. He's awesome so for her to get second behind him...I was shocked. Especially cause I didn't think she did that great (of course I didn't tell her that..but I thought it). Anyway, I also entered her into the running for Jr. Miss Nexstar. I have no idea what it means, but SHE WON!!!! Margaux was 2nd runner up, Sloan was 1st runner up...so when they announced that I figured she didn't win. I was so shocked I don't think I even cheered. She will get her picture in the program at Nationals!!! WOOHOO! They gave her an envelope and a large plaque. I'm not gonna lie, this Momma was hoping for some Moolah in that envelope, but no such luck. I mean really??? Jr. Miss Nexstar and no moolah...they coulda come off with a tiara or something! ;) j/k sort of hehehe!!! No, I'm super proud of her!! I can't wait until she does her dance on stage like she does in practice. I'll order that video for sure!!!

February 4, 2009 ~ Love of God ~

2009-02-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

I'm on a roll today, huh? Anyway. While at work yesterday I got news that a lady here at the office lost her grandson in a fire over the weekend. She sent out an email with pictures of him. I opened the pictures to see the sweet little face of a blue eyed boy who couldn't have been over 4 years old. I later found out he was 3. I didn't have all the details until today, but I was literally sick about it. I lay in bed last night and just cried for the Mother and the boy. I could not imagine losing Camryn. I just can't. His face kept haunting me and the thoughts of how scared he must have been kept playing in my mind. I could not wrap my mind around a mother losing her 3 year old. I can't imagine losing a child at any age, but for some reason it hit me hard. I realized just how fragile life is. I realized that I may not always have Camryn. The thought of her being in bed and my house catching on fire was making me panic. I would walk through fire, literally, to save her. I just can not imagine living life without her. Then it struck me, God knows the pain that mother is going through because He also lost His son. The difference is, God allowed His son to die. He voluntarily went through the pain of losing a child, knowing the suffering that His son was going to go through. Why?? Because He loved me and you and look at how we treat Him. I tried to put myself in that position...not saying I'm God, but to better grasp His love for me. I honestly can't think of one person I would sacrifice Camryn for...especially someone who has done me wrong as we so often do to God. I tried to put it into perspective for my simple mind and thought, would I be willing to watch Camryn suffer and die to save Dwight? Or someone at the office who smiles to my face but puts me down behind my back? So many times we profess to love God at church, then turn and live a life unpleasing to Him outside of church, such as the backstabbers in our lives. So many people just flat out deny God and treat Him terrible to His face, such as Dwight treated me. There is NO WAY I would sacrifice Camryn to save someone like that. As the realization hit me I just had to thank God that He loved me that much. It is completely mind boggling to me. I can't imagine the pain that mother must be going through, but God knows her pain and I pray that he just hold her and comfort her during this terrible time. We can't take life for granted. We can't waste our lives away. God did not allow his child to die for us to waste our lives. That is an amazing thing God did because He loved us that much. To God be the glory for everything in my life. I don't know why He loves me so much because I certainly don't deserve it. We have to strive to live our lives so that His sacrifice is not in vain. Thank you God for loving me so much!

February 4, 2009 ~ Sam??? Really??? ~

2009-02-04T14:05:00.000-08:00

Let me just tell ya, nothing frustrates me more than being at work and getting a phone call from somewhere out of this country wanting information from me on a bill. "Sam" calls and can hardly speak English. Sam??? Really??? You know his name is really Alkdgjhaoihsdwerh...and he wants to try to call and ask me about a claim from "R Kansas" and then I have to try to explain...in my southern accent no less...the reason we denied this bill. I can't understand him and he can't understand me. I mean really, if you're going to be in customer service in AMERICA, PLEASE speak English fluently!!! UGH! I got my panties in a bunch on that one...hmm...maybe I should go make sure I have them on right side out today! :)

February 4, 2009 ~ 25 Random Things ~

2009-02-04T10:20:00.001-08:00

This has been going around facebook...but since I can't figure out facebook I'll do this on here. This is stricktly incase the 3 of you who read my blog (mom, sister and Billie) don't already know these things..lol
1. I'm terrified of heights. I have difficulty climbing ladders. I went up the ladder of a huge slide at the fair with Camryn and almost had a panic attack at the top. I was frozen for a minute.
2. I do not walk on drainage things in streets or sidewalks. I have a fear of falling thru it so I avoid them.
3. I can't stand to have to be stopped under a bridge or at the edge under a bridge or to have to stop on a bridge. I will, again, almost have a panic attack thinking the bridge will fall on top of me, or a car will come off the edge and land on me, or the bridge will fall with me on it.
4. I have always wanted to be a lawyer. Never wanted to have to go thru law school but would still love to be one.
5. I can not stand for the toilet paper to roll from the back. It doesn't matter where I am, if it's rolling from the back, I'm going to change it around to roll from the front. It's just the way it should be.
6. I'm scared of spiders. (are you realizing that I'm scared of a lot of stuff, cause I am...i think i'm a big ole chicken and just now realized it).
7. Speaking of chicken: I only eat white meat chicken or turkey for that matter. I hate dark meat and I'm NOT a fan of bone chicken. I'd rather have a tender.
8. I'm suprisingly organized. I like for everything to have a specific place. This is gradually gotten worse. Who'd a thought, in highschool, that I'd be organized??? Not my Mother, that's for sure.
9. I played softball ONE season when I was young. Had no clue about it, but did awsome at tryouts. The coach put me on first base the first game. I didn't know that every ball was thrown to first. So, as I was watching the birds, the short stop thru the ball at about 178.6 mph at me and I got the heck outta the way. Then had to chase the ball out of the field as my Mother is screaming in the stands "get her off first base". Yeah, I was in left field the rest of the season.
10. I love boxing...and growing to like UFC.
11. I'm nosey as can be when something is going on. I could easily be an ambulance chaser.
12. I'm a lover of AC Slater. Yep...love me some Mario Lopez.
13. I was married, had a child and divorced before I turned 23. Got all the bad stuff outta the way.
14. I tried a tomato for the first time in my life last year. Spit it out too. NASTY!
15. I went 6 months hardly eating when I was in 6th grade. If you look at my yearbook you will see where people used to call me shamoo and fridge. I stopped eating and went from an 11-12 to a 5-6 in 6 months. I do not advise this weight loss method.
16. When I'm mad at someone, I clean.
17. I can't stand for someone to accuse me of something I haven't done. Can't STAND it!
18. I had a cat named Grace who I though was a girl until I went to have her "fixed" and found out "she" was a boy. I never told Camryn. I mean, really...how do you explain that one?
19. I used to use my ex husbands razor to shave my legs in hopes that when he went to shave his head/face it would cut him. Yes, I did that.
20. I have never broken a bone...knock on wood.
21. I have an insane love for peanut butter. Melted is the best.
22. I love grammer but can't spell worth a flip.
23. I love to read...i'm struggling for stuff now.
24. I'm a random person in general. I like to bring up random things and use random numbers. It's fun.
25. I am a HUGE American Idol fan!

February 2, 2009 ~ Yep..~

2009-02-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

You know it's gonna be one of those days when....

You go to the restroom and discover that your underoo's are on inside out! :)

January 26, 2008 ~ Hmm ~

2009-01-26T07:50:00.001-08:00

So I'm wondering...The proper way to write a W is..well..you see it. So, why did they not call that "double V" rather than "double U". I mean, it's not 2 u's it's actually 2 v's.

January 12, 2009 ~ It's my party and I'll cry if I want to ~

2009-01-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

Saturday we had Camryn’s 7th birthday party at the skating rink in Sherwood. After about 10 minutes into the party I announced that I would never have another skating birthday party. I tried to get a private party, but they didn’t do it at this skating rink so I settled for what they told me was “semi-private” party room. I was told it was in the back and no one else would be in there, just our party. When we got there they pointed me to the table right in the front where everyone goes for snacks. I guess I was already in a little bit of a feisty mood just because of walking in and smelling rotten feet… because I detected a lil attitude in my voice when I asked “Is this considered “semi-private” because I was told that’s what I was getting”. The young girl told me yes and I then asked about a room in the back where I was told we would be. She showed me the room and asked if that’s what I wanted. UHHH YEAH..that’s what I PAID for! Anyway, we get back there and the lights were flashing making everyone dizzy. Charles and Judy went to ask that someone stop the lights from blinking. After what seemed like 83 hours of blinking lights I said “I’ll handle it” and marched my happy self to the front. They finally stopped the lights. Everyone got’s there…all 20+ kids and parents…and began to skate. A little later one of my girlfriends asked if Cam was ok because her friends kept trying to talk to her and she wouldn’t talk. So I grab my daughter’s arm and we go have a “come to Jesus meeting” in the bathroom where she told me she didn’t want to go to her Mamaw’s house when they left. I told her we would talk about it later but she needed to enjoy her party or I would tell everyone to take the gifts back and “don’t think I wont”. We go back and decide its cake time. At which point my daughter had a melt down. She bit her tongue and began to cry and continued to cry and grab her head and say she had a headache. Flashes of “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To” rang in my head. I once again, grabbed her arm and took her out. She was holding her head and crying about a headache saying the music was too loud and she was hot. So, we went outside for a few minutes to cool off and then it was present time. Mind you, we are half way through the party and I have YET to receive the pitcher of soda that was included in the price and not one single time has anyone come to check on us. So, knowing Camryn was on the verge of yet another break down, I told my mom to do her principal thing and make sure the kids don’t crowd around Cam while she’s opening gifts. They did pretty good. We made it through gift time and more skate time and it was time to go home. Praise the Lord. We survived…with no pitcher of soda, no one checking on us and a bill to pay. Trust me, I thought about just walking out but knew they had my credit card info from the deposit I had to put down. WHEW…I say again..no more skating parties. *pictures to come*

January 9, 2009 ~ Father of the Year? ~

2009-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

I have felt hurt before in my life….a lot of hurt. We’ve all been hurt or disappointed in our life by the actions of someone or maybe ourselves. It’s not fun. As Mother’s we hurt for our children when kids are mean to them or when they fall and hurt themselves. I personally want to take out a child who is mean to my child (on the same hand I want to take out my child if she is mean to someone else). It makes us angry and mad and hurt. Last night I felt a new kind of hurt. Now, we all know Camryn’s “father” is…well in the words of my precious Grandmother a “stupid ass hole”, but Camryn doesn’t know that yet. I have hurt from the beginning because I know she will not have the daddy that I had growing up. I hurt because I know the things he said about her when she was a baby. However, Camryn never knew…she never had the disappointment I had about that. Yesterday was her birthday of course. We went to eat after dance and home to hook up her Wii. I let her stay up later because it was her birthday. So at 9pm I look at Charles and say “can you imagine it being 9pm and you not calling Alaina on her b-day?” because Dwight had yet to call. I wasn’t going to do or say anything because Cam hadn’t mentioned it. If it didn’t bother her I wasn’t going to let it bother me. Then my sister called. I told Camryn to come to me and she asked if someone was calling for her birthday. I told her yes and then her words stuck me in the heart and I felt a pain and hurt for her like I never have before. She came in the room and said “I’m pretty sure it’s my Dad because he hasn’t told me Happy Birthday yet.” I was angry and hurt at the same time, however it was such a different feeling. I can’t even describe it. I was holding in my tears. I hurt for her so much. After she talked to her aunt Alison I text Chance because Dwight doesn’t have a cell phone and said “Cam is waiting on you guys to call for her b-day. Please don’t disappoint her” Chance didn’t even know it was her b-day which tells me Dwight didn’t even bother to mention to them that it was their sister’s special day. Shall we all write it for him to be Father of the Year or what??

January 8, 2009 ~ Happy Birthday To CAMRYN ~

2009-01-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Well, it happened...she turned 7 years old today. It's hard for me to even wrap my mind around that. Like every year since she has been born, I set my alarm clock for 5:11am. I placed my hand on my sleeping baby...uhhh...big girl and praised God for her and lifted her up to him as the clock ticked over to 5:13am, the minute she entered this world. She informed Charles, when he called her this morning, that she didn't feel old but that her PJ's fit a lil tighter! :)

Camryn,
Where do I even begin? Seven years ago today, at 5:13am, my life changed in ways I can’t even explain, as I went from dreaming of a chubby cheek outline on a page, to laying eyes on your beautiful tiny face. God had you planned all along to rescue me, teach me, love me and complete me. He had you in mind years before I ever even dreamed of having a baby. In 6th grade I went to a Sissy Log Cabin with my class to learn about gems and stones and each of us got a gem from them as a gift. The one I got was a garnet which just so happens to be the birthstone of the month you were born. God knew what He was doing. You are such a sweet, tender hearted, loving, compassionate, determined girl. You can be extremely stubborn…I have no idea where you got that from! Your love for your family and friends astounds me. Your determination and perfectionism challenges me. Your faith in God inspires me. You are so grown up yet so young. I can’t imagine life without you. You are my angel and I am so thankful to God every single second of my life for you.
I know we butt heads and you get so mad at me when I’m not what you think I should be. We fight over socks mostly. You argue and pout and whine and make me so mad sometimes…but when you crawl in bed with me and I feel your little hand touch mine to go to sleep (yes, you still sleep with me) it melts my heart.
You are an amazing dancer and have such a love for dance. You work and work until you get it. I fight back tears every time I see you on stage because you are such a beautiful dancer. You make me so proud in everything you do. Your love for God and church pushes me. You are so distraught at the fact that there are people in the world today who do not love God. Your dramatic ways always make me laugh.
Some of my favorite times are when we argue about who’s favorite and how much we love each other. Or when we hear “our song” on the radio, Crush by David Archuletta, and we sing. When we watch Santa Clause 2 and “our part” comes on “uh whaaa ahhh awwww”. I will cherish the times we curl up on the couch and watch a movie together forever. The moments we sit and talk about someone in your class doing something will stick in my head. Our recent trip to El Dorado where we sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer over and over again and when we grabbed whatever we could find to use as a microphone and sang at the top of our lungs will stay in my heart forever. You are a precious gift from God given directly to me. I love you more than life itself. I pray that we will continue to have a special bond and that you will always listen to God and follow His lead. I pray that God blesses you and protects you.
This song is usually for a couple but it is so perfect for how I feel about you and the moment you came into my life:
(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything and everything and I will always care. Through weakness and strength, happiness andsorrow, for better or worse, I will love you with every beat of my heart.) From this moment life has begunFrom this moment you are the oneRight beside you is where I belongFrom this moment on From this moment I have been blessedI live only for your happinessAnd for your love I'd give my last breathFrom this moment on I give my hand to you with all my heartCan't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to startYou and I will never be apartMy dreams came true because of you From this moment as long as I liveI will love you, I promise you thisThere is nothing I wouldn't give From this moment on You're the reason I believe in loveAnd you're the answer to my prayers from up aboveAll we need is just the two of usMy dreams came true because of you From this moment as long as I liveI will love you, I promise you thisThere is nothing I wouldn't giveFrom this momentI will love you as long as I liveFrom this moment on

Happy Birthday baby!!!!
I love you all the even numbers plus some!!!
Momma

December 31, 2008 ~ Slogan ~

2008-12-31T07:46:00.000-08:00

This came to me in the tanning bed yesterday. For whatever I do I think I like this:

S tanding
T all.
R eaching
O ut.
N ever
G iving up.
E nding
R age.

I also have an idea to put pictures and statistics to a song I have in mind. I'll need assistance so we'll have to chat about it sometime. And by "we'll" I mean the 3 of you who read this..HAHAH!!!

December 30, 2008 ~ My Passion ~

2008-12-30T07:48:00.000-08:00

For a while now I have been wanting and praying for a way that I could make a difference in the lives of abused women/children. It crosses my mind a lot and I always ask God to show me what He wants me to do. I went through hell for a reason. I've been asking God to open the right doors. Last night at my parents house the news was playing as I was talking to my mom. I just had to tell her to hold on a minute as the following story ran...and I listened:

"Little Rock - A state legislator says that to counter domestic violence, there needs to be something more than a protective order to keep an abusive person from hurting someone. Representative Dawn Creekmore of Hensley says she will work next month in the legislative session to get support to strengthen the state's domestic-violence laws. Creekmore says her proposals will include making repeated violation of a protective order a felony, making choking someone a felony, and doing away with the statute of limitations for rape and first-degree sexual assault. Currently, repeat violation of a protective order is a misdemeanor. Creekmore says her proposal would make the third violation a felony. She also says that choking someone often is the first physical act in domestic-battery case. Her proposal would make it a felony, punishable by three to 10 years in prison. "

Wow!! This is what I've wanted for the past 5 years...to change the laws. I just didn't know how. I plan to call the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence and see if there is anything I can do to help in this incredibly important issue. I ask that you please pray that if I am supposed to be used by God in this issue that he open the right doors and close the wrong ones. Even if this post is all He has me to do...pray that it spreads and these new laws become effective. Too many lives are lost to domestic violence. Too many children have to deal with this on a daily basis. Please pray with me about this as it is my passion!

December 12, 2008 ~ Gravy For Days ~

2008-12-12T08:21:00.001-08:00

Last night we decided that we would have breakfast for dinner. Charles came over and we went to pick up Camryn from dance and then to the grocery store to get the things we needed. He said he would make eggs, bacon, biscuits, fried potatoes and asked if I could make gravy because he can’t. Now, I have tried to make gravy before and my precious lil daughter TRIED her best to eat it. When it was all said and done, we ended up throwing it away. I just can’t get it right…it never tastes like my Momma’s. However, last night I though I’d give it a whirl. We figured between the two of us and Mimmie’s recipe we could get it right. So, we cooked the bacon in my electric skillet. It cooked up good and had plenty of “fat” to make the gravy with. I got my stuff all out and said “let’s do this”. Charles got the flour and began to pour….and pour….and pour. I kept saying “I think that’s enough flour. We are gonna have a lot of gravy” to which he responded “It’ll be ok…we gotta get rid of the grease”. So he kept pouring and pouring. We finally soaked up everything and half a gallon of milk and 3-4 small cups of water later, we had gravy that would eventually plop off the spoon….and I had HUGE arm muscles from stirring. We figure if we keep trying, one day we’ll perfect the art of gravy making. In the mean time we’ll laugh about our first experience. Lesson number 1: less grease and less flour!!!!

December 11, 2008 ~ Amazing Grace How Sweet the Sound ~

2008-12-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago today I chose my own path. I went down the wide, flat, easy rode that I wanted. I disregarded the signs God was giving me and turned a deaf ear to the direction God was telling me to go. Six months prior I had met a man who I thought I was in love with and who I thought loved me. “Andrew” seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. He was a Christian man who went to church and studied the Bible. He worked hard and was the owner of a successful construction company in Nevada. He had 2 boys who he had custody of because their mother was such a horrible, drug abusing woman. He loved his family and spending time with them as often as possible. He loved me and I was everything he had been looking for his whole life and he knew God had sent me to him. He wanted to marry me and he would take care of me. I would never have to want for anything ever again. As long as we kept God the center of our family, we would be happy. As the six months passed I discovered that “Andrew” was not his name...but he only told me that because he didn’t want his ex-wife to know he was in town. He would yell and get mad when I wanted to spend time with my friends…but that was just because he didn’t know them and his ex had cheated on him so trust was hard for him. He would call me names because I spend time with my best friend, Ashley…but that was because his ex was bi-sexual so again he didn’t trust. He would accuse me of anything you can think of….but it was because we were so far away from each other. Once we got together, in Vegas…1500 miles away from my family and friends and everything I knew, things would be so much better. You see God was giving me signs….billboards even. But in my own stubborn pride and selfishness I chose to ignore Him. Nine years ago today I said “I Do”. “I Do” to a life of depression and anger. “I Do” to a life of abuse. Four years of walking on eggshells, afraid to do or say the wrong thing. Four years being scared and beat down by the one man who was supposed to love me forever. I couldn’t understand why God was putting me through that. Why He would let that happen to me. However, I was the one who chose that path…I made my bed and God allowed me to lay in it until I finally realized that I was not in His will. God never stopped loving me. Every single time I would pray for a way out God would give me one. I would cry in the shower for a way out of the life I was in…when I was locked in the closet God was with me…when I would lock myself in another room and was too afraid to sleep God was with me…when I found countless proofs of my ex’s unfaithfulness God was holding me up. When I felt that I was trapped forever and there was no way out, I would cry out to God and every single time He made a way for me. So many times I would again choose my own path…stay and stick it out. Even though I refused God’s help over and over and over again, He never left me. His promise to never leave me or forsake me stood true. When I finally listened to God and got out of the hell I was in, it was scary, however God protected me and has brought me so many blessings that I certainly do not deserve. For this I lift up praise to my Deliverer:
Dear God, Thank you for never leaving me even though I disobeyed you on this day nine years ago. You never left me and you protected me through it all. Thank you for your deliverance, for your mercy and your grace in my life. Thank you for the trials and the lessons you taught me through them. Thank you for the beautiful little girl you gave me out of the darkness and the bond that we share. Thank you for keeping your hands over me and protecting me. Thank you for never giving up on me and always providing an escape. Thank you for your abundant love and grace on me. I pray that you receive all glory and honor from this because you are worthy and holy. King of King, Lord of Lords, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, MIGHTY GOD! I praise your name.

“Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. T’was Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home”

December 9, 2008 ~ It's a circus around here ~

2008-12-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

Saturday we had our first "family" outting. We took the girls to the circus, McDonalds then to look at Christmas lights. Here are a few pics. We had a great time and I was TOTALLY impressed and proud of Camryn. She wasn't a brat or jealous of Alaina. She was very good with her!

My favorite...the tigers

Elephants...one pooped and a guy had to catch it in a bucket...let's all be thankful for our jobs!

Fun times in the car!

Charles spoiling Camryn *sigh*

2 silly girls!!

us!!!

Cheese!!!!!!!! Alaina and Camryn

Me and Cam at the circus

Daddy's lil girl

Just getting settled for the show. It was a lot of fun and everyone got along!

December 5, 2008 ~ Bad boys, bad boys...whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ~

2008-12-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

The following conversation ensued in the car the other day and is proof that you should never let your 6 year old watch Cops with you:

Andrea: "Ohhhh, look Cam, someone's getting arrested....that's awesome!"

Camryn: "That's not awesome....they probably have weed"

Andrea: *trying not to laugh* "You think so?"

Camryn: "Yep...Eeevvverrrybody gots weed"

I laughed so hard. I asked her where in the world she heard about weed and she said "Cops". Oh lordy, the things they pick up. That's the last thing in the world I need her going to school talking about. *sigh*

December 3, 2008 ~ O Christmas Tree ~

2008-12-03T10:43:00.001-08:00

Well, the tree is up and the stockings are hung by the ....coat closet... with care!!! We got our tree up last night. As we were "fluffing" the branches Camryn said she had to take a break cause it was "pokey and cheesy and hurting her hands". I said "Cheesy?" She said "yeah". I asked her how it was cheesy and she said "ya know, like you said about that garland we took back to Dollar General". (I bought some lighted garland that was cheap and "cheesy" lookin and she heard me say that.) I said "ohhhh cheesy means like....goofy or something". Later as we were decorating she said something silly and said "I'm just being cheesy". I about fell out on the floor. Poor thing, she wanted to use that word so bad, just couldn't get it in the right context. I explained that it meant it looked fake or ugly looking. After we got all the "cheesy" branches fluffed I discovered that I couldn't find my lights so we had to make a quick trip to Dollar General to get some lights for the tree. I ended up getting some pretty sliver ribbon too. I just have to get some more curly things and a tree skirt and we're good to go!

December 2, 2008 ~ It's Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas ~

2008-12-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I made a pot of soup and a pan of cornbread. Momma came over with the ladder and had dinner with us. Then we began the project of putting my my Christmas lights on my first house for the first time!! I was so excited. I even have a mailbox to put a bow on!! I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for where God has brought me. I never would have dreamed, 5 years ago, I'd have a car that was paid for and be a homeowner. It just goes to show that once I finally gave in to God's will for my life and quit holding on to what I thought was right (my marriage) God blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself. I had to suck up my pride and give it all to God and trust Him to lead me where He wanted me to go. Not where I wanted to go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, to leave the boys and go through a divorce when I was raised differently. It hurt and I went through some major depression, but I can say every second of it was worth it. God knows what He's doing and it is evident in my life. Every time I drive past a car that has ice on the windshield that has been scraped off, I thank God for my house with a car port. I can't even describe how humbled I am that, after all I've done, God still blesses me. I am truly blessed far more than I deserve. Because, like all of us, I deserve hell. Thanks to God and his mercy I'm set free!

December 2, 2008 ~ Picture Time ~

2008-12-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Me getting the heck out the woods in the sleet.

By the fire...in camo.

No telling what I said here...but gotta love that smile!

This is when he dropped my glove and had to go get it.

My Heater!!! He spoils me! :)

This is us Sunday in the sleet.

He's getting my coffee ready. He's so good to me, y'all!

This was Sunday morning...early!

Us trying to stay warm around the fire Saturday evening.

Hangin' out at camp

Lookin' like one of the guys..chit-chatting with Leon (I have pink under the camo!!)

Scary, huh? (that's one heavy dang gun)

Scared to freakin death. This was after I prayed...when I was about to cry...when Charles realized I was really scared and came over to help me..awww!!!

Yeah, I was tired. This was Saturday morning.

What I looked at for hours on end. *sigh* My dad got excited about this picture?!?!?!?!? Really?!?!?

A-C my art work in the tree at one of my bored times.

Yes, my friends, I am holding on for dear life in this pic.

Charles cooking breakfast...my plate was made and brought to me by the fire..told you he's good to me. :)

Got me a lil wink while I was playing with the camera.

All in all a great weekend!!!

December 1, 2008 ~ Call me Ranger Joe ~

2008-12-01T08:45:00.001-08:00

Well, I did it! I hunted. Charles picked me up from Barbs Friday night around 6:30pm. He showered at her house then we loaded my stuff in the truck. I’m always one to be overly prepared. I’d rather have too much than not enough, so when he pulled my large suitcase outta the car I guess it was a shock. He said “I had all your clothes, babe, what else did you need?” Two days in the woods you never know what could happen. I had to have extra undies, socks, bra’s, clothes, hair dryer, towels, toilet paper, makeup, shoes...DUH. After about a 40 minute drive…15 of which was dirt roads, we made it to the camp site. They had the fire going in the pit so we sat around and chit-chatted by the fire. It was during this time I was informed that when I went to the bathroom, I couldn’t flush the toilet paper. It had to go in the trash can..UGH! I was also informed that when I took a shower I had to get wet, turn off the water to soap up then turn it back on to rinse off so we wouldn’t run out of water. *SIGH*. Anyway, we all got tired and decided it was time for bed. Charles, his sister, her boyfriend and I were all in one camper. We watched a little bit of a movie then it was time to turn off the generator and go to sleep. Let me just tell you…there is no quiet like quiet in the woods. I’m talking ears ringing quiet. Took me a minute to adjust. I didn’t sleep well the first night cause we had about 5 blankets and I kept getting hot and cold. Then at 5:15am…in the dark…before the sun came up…before the early bird even woke up to get the worm…I hear “It’s time to get up”. So, I put on my thermals, hot pink fleece pants, pink socks Charles bought me, camo shirt, camo bibs, orange jacket…pulled my hair back in pigtails threw on the orange toboggan (snuck some make up on), boots and out we went! I really don’t know how anyone shoots anything. I could hardly move in all that get-up. After about 10 minutes on the ATV and hiking up a hill, through pine trees I might add, we finally get to the stand. I faced my fears and climbed up the ladder, get situated, sit for about 4 minutes and say “so this is what you do for 4 hours?” He enthusiastically answered, “yep”. Literally…nothing, people…NOTHING! I tried to be as quiet and still as I could but I have to say, I got bored and restless. I had some hot chocolate then I got hungry and had a pop tart. Then I wanted my book. I read a little of it and decided that I didn’t want to do that. I took a lil nap on his shoulder. Then I decided to get my word search book and do it. I even had Charles doing it with me. I mean really, word search is much more fun than looking at some trees. He informed me that he would not be a happy camper if he missed a buck because of doing a word search. J We had a contest to see who could find the words the fastest. Of course when I was losing I decided we weren’t keep track of it. A little later I had the bright idea to carve our initials in the tree. Charles wouldn’t let me use his hunting knife so I just wrote A – C on the bark of the tree with my pen. After 4 hours of seeing NOTHING..not even a squirrel we went back to camp for breakfast. During breakfast I thought it would be fun to be a true hunter. So I stood by the fire in my camo and asked the guys “Y’all see anything?” They said no so I told them “we didn’t either..they just weren’t movin’ today”. HAHAH!!! It was fun. After breakfast Charles went to move his stand and I took a nap. I was good and asleep when it came time to go back out and stare at more dead trees. He said I did a little better that afternoon with being quiet and still. He said my max is about 2 hours. We finally got to go back to camp and sit around the fire and have dinner. I loved the sitting around the fire part! Then it came time for a shower. I was so looking forward to a hot shower and to wash my hair and feel like a girl again. It was an exciting thought. Charles told me to give the water time to heat up then he went back out to the fire. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and got in. The water was cold. Apparently I didn’t give it enough time to warm up. UGH! I slept much better the second night. We got to sleep late Sunday morning..and by late I mean 5:45am. *rolling eyes* This time Larry, his step dad, gave us a small heater for me take to the stand. On the way I had a pop quiz of the hunting terms I learned like what a rub and a scrape were. We get to the stand and I was pumped, this was the day we were gonna see some action and get a deer. I was SUPER quiet for about 30 to 45 minutes. Then I decided I wanted some coffee. A little later I wanted a pop tart. Then I wanted his phone to text Barb (my phone had no service). We were about an hour into it hunting when I informed Charles that I no longer had toes due to frost bite…I was sure of it. He told me he would take me back to camp, but being the trooper that I was, I didn’t go. I mean, he went through all the trouble for me to hunt…I wasn’t gonna go back to camp and look like a sissy. Instead I stayed and complained! We were sitting there freezing when I noticed he had his gloves off. I told him he need to put them back on and he said “Everytime I put them on you decide you want something”..hahah! I’m spoiled! In the mean time, he dropped my glove and I melted the bottom of his mom’s boot on the heater trying to get some feeling back into my toes. Around ten I heard some ticking and told Charles that it was sleeting. We stayed out a little longer then decided to head back to camp. We got packed up and headed home. It was a super fun time, although I told Charles I was all about the riding the 4 wheeler and camping, but I’d leave the hunting up to him. If I didn’t have him to entertain while I was up in the stand I’d have been bored to death. I only almost cried once and that was the first time I had to come down from the stand. He raised the bar and I could see the ground and I freaked. I told him I was just gonna stay up there forever. But, I did the sign of the cross like a catholic, said “help me Jesus”, and he got on the ladder and walked me through it, placing my foot on each rung! I was never so happy to be on the ground. Anyway, it was a great weekend. Charles said I did good and he was proud of me. I’d even do it again….minus the frost bite and cold shower! Pictures will come soon!!!

November 25, 2008 ~ Please Sit Down ~

2008-11-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

I know this is gonna come as a huge shock to most of you...and by 'most of you' I mean all 3 of you who read my page! ;) I'm going hunting this weekend. I will be takin' to the woods with the guy I'm dating, Charles, and his parents. This should be interesting for several reasons, to say the least. I've never been hunting and I'm not huge on watching Bambi or Thumper or Tom the Turkey..or whoever, get shot. It's gonna hurt my heart, I just know it. I know as that shot get's fired, I'll picture Bambi sliding around on the ice or saying "B-B-Bir-BirD-BirD". It's gonna be traumatic. Secondly, I'm terrified of heights so climbing a ladder that is propped up against a tree, 15 feet in the air is gonna be tricky. I'm telling you, I shake and hang on for dear life just climbing up into my parents attic. My hands are sweating just thinking about it. Third, I'm NOT a fan of camo. I swore I would never wear camo and neither would I dress my children in camo. Well, the saying "never say never" is very appropriate as seen in the picture below.

As I was discussing this trip with Charles I said I would go under a few conditions. 1. I have electricity 2. I have water 3. I have a shower. I explained that he can't expect me to jump right into roughing it. This poor guy has borrowed a camper, generator and propane, bought a 2 person deer stand and borrowed a truck JUST to take me hunting. He's amazing. Anyway. Luckily his parents had some camo for me to borrow so I wouldn't be out the money for it if I never went again. I, however, had to buy stuff to wear under it and just around camp. So, I went to Target and got the cutest hot pink fleece pants and a pair of black and gray polka-dot pants. I also got some blue striped pants with he cutest bow to tie them up with...all with matching tops. For some reason when I showed these to Charles all he did was laugh and say "what is this?" and "it has a bow". Hmm?? Oh well! He took my clothes so he could wash them in his unscented laundry detergent because he told me I could not smell like flowers. He told me I could not wear perfume or scented lotion. At first, he told me no makeup. Yeah, that didn't fly with me AT ALL! So we compromised and I told him I wouldn't bring my flat iron and no hairspray if I could please wear make up. That's what relationships are all about..compromise...right? Next we discussed the schedule. We are leaving camp at 5:30am....that's in the morning...before the sun comes up! I told him that was fine, he just needed to wake me up 1 hour early so I could shower and get ready. Apparently, I'll be taking a shower at night so we don't have to run the generator at 4:30am and wake everyone up. *sigh* I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been told "This isn't a fashion show, Babe". So, maybe say a lil prayer for me this weekend as this is a journey I've NEVER taken before...maybe pray for Charles as well. :) I'll let you know how this goes!

November 18, 2008 ~ Grandmothers are like no other~

2008-11-18T06:49:00.000-08:00

I am asking for prayer for my Memaw (Genevieve Gillaspie). She had a lung infection and was very confused and agitated. I got word yesterday that the infection is clearing up but that they had diagnosed her with Dementia. Then I heard from my Daddy last night that for about 30 minutes she did not know who Pawpaw was, she told him to call her when Leon gets home. It just breaks my heart and can’t imagine being married to someone for 60 years and then that person not know who I am. Please continue to lift up Leon and Genevieve Gillaspie through this time. Also their kids (Norman, Tricia, and Paul) grandchildren (Alison, Andrea, Christiana, Anthony Benjamin, Joseph, Ashely, Josh, Nick and Jake) and great-grandchild (Camryn).

Also, my mom got a call yesterday that they were taking my Mimmie (Thalia Curtis) to the hospital because she had a heaviness on her chest and was short of breath. They did an EKG and it showed a narrowing of the Aorta, so they are going to do a heart cath in the morning early to determine exactly what the problem is. Her primary care doctor said that the EKG tests showed that the aorta valve is not functioning as it should which is therefore causing the blood to build up in her lungs thus causing the shortness of breath. Hopefully it will something they can stint. If so, they will do it while they are in there. If not, we are talking bypass surgery. Please remember Joe and Thalia Curtis and my mom and her sister (Alicia and Shelia).

November 17, 2008 ~ Appropriate??? Oh well! ~

2008-11-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

This morning I got Camryn's breakfast ready and yelled for her to come eat. She never came. I again told her breakfast was ready to come eat. I heard her in the bathroom saying "My tummy hurts, I'm in the bathroom!" Ok, no biggie. I made her lunch and got it all together in her back pack and she was still not in there. I go to the bathroom and open the door. I was just about knocked out by the smell..but what I saw next will forever be etched in my memory. There sat my daughter on the toilet, completely naked holding her nose. When I walked in she had her nose in one hand and was fanning with the other hand and said "WHEW...can you light a candle or something??" I about fell on the floor laughing. FYI: I did end up lighting a candle. :)

November 11, 2008 ~ NOT CUTE ~

2008-11-11T06:46:00.000-08:00

Saturday night Cam and I hung out with my mom for a little while since my Daddy was in the deer woods. When we got home I took off my jeans and put on a t-shirt to get ready for bed. It was cold Saturday so I was wearing socks. Then the following conversation ensued:

Camryn: *looks me up and down* Nice socks Mom!! (she NEVER calls me mom)
Me: What?? You don't like my socks?
Camryn: No
Me: Really? You don't think I look hot in a t-shirt and socks?
Camryn: No, that is NOT CUTE
Me: *being very dramatic* You don't love me anymore?!?!?!?!?
Camryn: *very seriously* I love you but I do not like you in socks and a tshirt....NOT CUTE!

I laughed so much. I wish I had it recorded so you could hear her "I'm grown up" voice she was talking in. Later, our dog jumped on the door and Camryn came into my room and said "WHEW...what was that?? Oh, it was Chewy...that skkkerrrrddd me" OH MY GOSH...she cracks me up!

November 3, 2008 ~Trick or Treat ~

2008-11-03T07:52:00.000-08:00

We had a great weekend! Camryn was none other than Hannah Montana for Halloween this year. We try to always be a pair for Halloween. Whatever she is I want to be a part of it. It's just fun for us and Camryn loves it. Last year she was a genie and I was the pot she came out of...I thought it was hilarious b/c well, she did come out of me..haahha..anywho. The year before she was a cheetah and I was a Momma cat/cheetah. This year when she was gonna be Hannah I thought how awesome it would be to be none other than Billy Ray Cirus, her dad. On the show when she's "Hannah" he is "Robby Ray" so that's who I was. Ahhh, the things we do for our kids...

Hannah herself..in the flesh

Yes, my friends, that's me and Camryn

Camryn...uhh...Hannah playing at the church carnival.
Saturday Camryn was with her grandparents so I went out to Wooster to see the guy I'm "talking" to. We went to church that night and ran into my sister. He swears it was set up, but it really wasn't. Sunday he and I went to ride his 4 wheeler for a couple hours. It was so much fun. It was a beautiful day and we rode around in the country looking at houses and just enjoying the day.

Yes, that's me in Camo...who'd uh thunk it?!?!? It was a great weekend!

Ocotber 23, 2008 ~ When the Lights, Go out, In the City...~

2008-10-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well this has just been an interesting week. I woke up around 4ish this morning and thought to myself that I was kinda warm. I looked at the clock and it wasn’t lit up. In my fuzzy half asleep mind, I couldn’t figure out why my clock was out. Then I realized that the fan was off too. It finally registered that my electricity was out. I heard it was raining so figured that’s what happened. (Thank goodness I went to pay my electric bill yesterday or I would have thought it was cut off..lol). I set my phone alarm so that I wouldn’t over sleep incase it didn’t come back on. Well, it didn’t. Of course, as things tend to go with me, I couldn’t find the flash light and it was still dark outside. So I opened my cell phone to light my way to the kitchen to get the candles out. I had a nice “romantic” shower by candle light. In my mind I was thinking I’ll just have to take my hair dryer and flat iron to work and do my hair there. Camryn had a uniform dress that she could wear however, all my clothes were fresh out of the dryer and wrinkled…can’t use an iron with no electricity. I decided that I would just have to wear something I already wore this week so it would be somewhat unwrinkled. Next hurdle…breakfast. Naturally I’m out of milk, so a quick and easy bowl of cereal is not an option. GRITS!!! Perfect…except, you can’t make grits without electricity for the microwave. AHHHHH, I have a gas stove so I decided to scramble some eggs. I go to turn it on and…electric starter. Thankfully I was smart enough to remember lighting it when the starter didn’t work, so I got it lit and Camryn had breakfast. Clothes…check, Hair...check, Breakfast…check. Makeup! I went to the bathroom. Candle in one hand, powder in the other I began my next task. All the sudden I heard something…TA-DA my fan came on... ELECTRICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Camryn and I did a little “YAY” dance and rushed to catch up on time lost!!! She still made it to school on time!!! WHEW!

October 22, 2008 ~ I can't make this stuff up...~

2008-10-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Last night was a good night. We got home from dance and I started cooking..lemon pepper chicken, butterbeans, greenbeans and fried potatoes. Outside of my oil being old it was good. I was getting the kitchen clean, while some laundry was going and Camryn was doing her homework. It was one of those nights where things just flowed with our routine until...ANOTHER HUGE SPIDER!!! I really wish I was kidding. I rounded the corner out of the kitchen going down the hall and there it was on the back wall, the same place as the other one, looking straight up EVIL. This one wasn't as big as the other one, but it was close...probably 2.5 to 3 inches. So, I go grab some roach/ant/spider spray this time (so as not to bleach the carpet again) grab a chair (because I'll be danged if I'm gonna stand on the floor and have it run across my foot) and Camryn gave me a flip flop. Yeah right! I told her she was gonna have to give me a bigger shoe than that. Once I was armed to deal with this issues, yet again, I took off down the hall, got in my chair and began to spray. It ran and for some reason, this time I was paralyzed with fear. I could not bring myself to get my hand close enough to kill it with a child's size 13 shoe. It ran into the back bedroom and I, once again being cool calm and collected, went to the kitchen, climbed up on the kitchen table and called my mom. :) I told her that I would need her or my fathers assistance because I had another big spider and it ran and I couldn't find it so I would need them to come find it and kill it. My courage only goes so far. So, Camryn and I sat on the kitchen table until my mom got there. During this quiet time together, I decided that 2 big spiders in one week was too much and that my house was probably infested and that I would NEVER get to sleep, so we packed up and went to stay with my parents. My mom set off a fogger before we left, so hopefully the spiders will be gone. We shall see. Anyway, one lesson in being a single mom....live close to your parents!!

October 21, 2008 ~You look like a monkey and you smell like one too ~

2008-10-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

Friday, the 17th Camryn was out of school for parent/teacher conferences. Since she's such an amazing student *bragging* I didn't have to have a conference. I took off work and we went to the zoo to enjoy the beautiful weather. We stopped for some silly pictures, taunted some ape's to fight, ran through the shade to get to the sun, ate some lunch, watched a giraffe pee forever, pretended to drop food to the fish to watch them swim all over each other while we sang "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" from Nemo, fed some birds (thankfully didn't get pooped on) and both decided NOT to enter the dark room where they had the vampire bats. All in all it was a great day.

My lil monkey

Making silly faces...

It's what we do...kinda our thing...

We were lovin' the gorilla's...

I have a monkey and a farmer. We did get some pics of the animals but who REALLY wants to see those??? Camryn did get her first report card yesterday and she made...drum roll please...STRAIGHT 100 A+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! At least she got something worth getting from her dad! :)

October 20, 2008 ~ Charlotte's Webb MY BOOTY ~

2008-10-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

In my previous post I mentioned that I am scared of spiders. I do not like them...I do not like them in a case, I do not like them in a vase, I do not like them dead or alive,I do not like them in a pan, I do not like them Sam I am. Camryn and I have been watching Charlotte's Webb and well isn't Charlotte just lovely... all sweet and wanting to save Wilber and stuff. HA! Well, Thursday night I'm just sitting down on the toilet to go #1 when Camryn walked out of the bathroom (of course she was in there, I can't go pee without her being in there with me). Anyway, she gasped and said "Momma there is a huge spider on the wall". I got up thinking it's gonna be a normal spider...I mean, she is MY child and tends to have a flare for the dramatic. When I rounded the corner and looked up I saw the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life. Seriously...I'm sooooo not being dramatic. It was probably 3 to 4 inches across. I'm NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!! So, being the calm, cool and collected person that I am, I gasp and yell at Camryn to get up on the couch. I mean really, this thing is huge and I wouldn't want it to jump around the door facing and get on her in the back bedroom. I do the first thing that makes sense and go grab a spray bottle of bleach cleaner, a chair and my largest shoe. You may be wondering why the bleach cleaner...well, in my mind I'm thinking I spray it with bleach and it will slow it down enough for me to smash it. So, I go to spraying with a vengeance. The stupid thing fell to the floor and I just kept on spraying as if my life depended on it. Then *WHAM* I smash it with my shoe. WHEW...seriously, that's the worst part of being single. I'm a firm believer in "the man is supposed to kill the bug". UGH! Anyway, now I have a light spot on my carpet, because it never dawned on me that I was spraying bleach on it. Oh well, it got the job done! And, no, I didn't go pee...I totally lost the urge after that.

October 20, 2008 ~ A Fear Like NO OTHER ~

2008-10-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

Friday night I experienced a fear like I had never experienced before in my life. I'm scared of spiders, heights, walking on drainage things in sidewalks, and being stopped under a bridge but Friday was so much worse. I would have rather been 1000 feet in the air, standing on a drain with spiders crawling all over me and a bridge above me than to go through the 10 minutes I went through Friday. Camryn attended a cheer camp last weekend and got to cheer in the basketball game at her school Friday night. Instead of sitting with her mom and grandparents she decided she would rather play in the hall with her friends. I didn't have a problem with that. She is the principals granddaughter and everyone knows her so I felt pretty safe in letting her play. I periodically got up to check on her and would see her running around. At the end of the last game, I took off to go find her so she wouldn't get mixed up in the crowd of people leaving. I circled the gym and didn't see her. At this point, I didn't panic because it is very possible to have just missed her. I circled again checking the bathrooms and still didn't see her. I was fighting the crowd and spotted my parents and asked if they had seen her anywhere. They said they didn't and I guess sensing my panic stayed to help me look for her. My dad stood in one place by the door everyone was going out. He figured since my mom and I were moving it was best he stood still in case she came by. My mom and I took off in different directions circling the gym and practice gym and bathrooms. We passed each other a couple times each time with increasing panic. I couldn't find my daughter anywhere. I can't even begin to describe the since of fear and loss and panic and worry and sadness and just the insane mix of emotions that were rushing through me. I checked out the back doors as thoughts of her going outside and getting lost or someone grabbing her tightened their grip around my throat. I was on the brink of a breakdown, tears already streaming down my face and the idea of having to live without Camryn cutting off what bit of oxygen I had left, when I began to try to find my Mother and collapse in her arms. Then above all the chatter of people in the hall I hear my name loud and clear. I turn around and there stood my mom with Camryn. All I could do was put my hand over my mouth and cry. Camryn looked at me worried and all I could utter was "I couldn't find you". My mom had come across one of Camryn's friends McKenzie and asked if she knew where Camryn was. McKenzie told her she was in her mom's classroom. She was in there safe and sound playing without a care in the world, not knowing the torture we all just went through. Thank You GOD that You knew where she was and protected her. I have never felt so scared and lost in my life. I can't imagine how parents of missing children are even able to function. It has to be only by God's grace that they endure.

2008-10-07T12:55:00.001-07:00

Today was the day!!! I just put my very last car payment in the mail!!! WOOHOO…5 long years is finally up. Not that I’ll see any increase in spending money since I’ll be paying for dance now, but at least I don’t have to rely on my mom to pay for it!!! It was so fun to write that check!!!

September 24, 2008 ~ Because I'm Proud of Myself ~

2008-09-24T13:25:00.001-07:00

So there is a guy who has been after me for over a year. I went out on a date with him once and wasn’t interested so politely told him we should just be friends. He has been quite persistent in his desire for a date for the past year…to no avail. He recently found out that I’m talking…and I mean strictly talking…to a new guy. He’s funny and funny guys get my attention. Apparently this “friend” of mine doesn’t like this new guy and preceded to tell me that, he didn’t know why he has been going after me for so long because..and I quote… “I mean you’re gorgeous and a good mom…but there’s not much else going on beyond that.” Well my friends that struck me in the wrong way on the wrong week….I had a Julia Sugarbaker moment!!!!!! (in email, but it’s a start!!) Here is my response:
“And for your information…I have a whole heck of a lot more going on than being “gorgeous” and a good mom. Who I might be interested in as a friend or more or for dating or whatever reason, does not determine who I am and what I have going on. Just because I wanted nothing more than a friendship with you, does not make me stupid. Just in case you didn’t realize it, you are not God’s gift to women. There are other men out there who might pique an interest in women. Who those men are has no relation to their/my character. I don’t even know Chris…he may not be my type…he may be a terrible person…I don’t know that. That’s the whole point in becoming friends with someone….to get to know them better. So if you have an opinion of someone and feel it necessary to share it, that’s fine, but for you to insult me and put me down because of someone I might have an interest in, is completely inappropriate.”
I got a quick apology! ;)

September 22, 2008 ~ The Monster Mash ~

2008-09-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

My whole life I thought I had no allergies. Until this weekend. Last weekend I was suffering with a bladder infection. I had our company doctor call in an antibiotic for me. I started it last Saturday and had some problems with it upsetting my stomach the whole time. This past Sunday when I woke up I noticed a rash on my neck and chest. As the day went on it spread until it was literally from head to toe. When I picked up Camryn at 6pm she saw it and said “Goodness, Momma, you can’t hug me anymore…you look like you’re turning into a monster”. Can you imagine??? My own child won’t hug me and thinks I’m a monster. *tear*. When we went to bed last night Camryn prayed for my rash to go away..aww..then I woke up and it was even worse and beginning to itch. I also felt as if my lips were swelling. Me being….well...me, thought I was dying. I got in to see my doctor, Dr. Ballard, who I love. He asked me what was going on and I told him that "my daughter thinks I am turning into a monster". I tell him the bactrim story and he checks me out and informs me that I am not turning into a monster, however, bactrim does not like me. He told me that it’s a sulfa drug so from now on when a doctor asks me if I’m allergic to any medication, I have to say “sulfa/bactrim”. I’m relieved to know I’m neither dying nor a monster…so for now, I’ll just look like a freak of nature and be scratching myself like a dog with flea’s until this goes away.

September 10, 2008 ~ Overwhelmed a bit ~

2008-09-10T07:08:00.001-07:00

Adventures of a single mom, ehhh??? Alrighty. So, my a/c went out in my house, the a/c company tried to take advantage of me and my living room was flooded…and it’s only Wednesday!!!!! My a/c has not been working right for some time now. It just wasn’t cooling right. When it kept on getting worse…like being 89 degrees in my house when I had it set on 76…I finally called my warranty company, Warrantech, who by the way, I would not suggest anyone using. Anyway…they told me Sears was backed up so they were sending out Natural State Heat and Air. They finally came out Saturday before Labor Day. When I say “they came out” what I mean is, I think they sent a 12 year old boy out. He asked what was wrong, looked at the inside unit and the outside thingy… comes in and gets on the phone with his boss. While he was on the phone I overheard him say “a woman”. Instantly I got mad. So, the boss get’s on the phone and tells me that he’s gonna have to come look at it on Tuesday (Monday was a holiday) but to get me through the weekend they could put freon in it, but my warranty doesn’t cover that and it’s $240 extra…on top of my $50 deductable. Not a problem because I have $240 just lying around waiting to spend it, right?!?! HA! I told him I would just wait on that. Tuesday rolls by…then Wednesday and no show. Finally I get a call from the warranty people who tell me that before NSHA comes to fix it I have to agree to pay for these non covered charges that total $400 DOLLARS!!! I asked what I had a warranty for if I was gonna be out all that money and told them I didn’t agree until my dad could call and tell me what they are talking about. *stupid men spouting off all this stuff they know I don’t understand just aggravates me*. I end up telling Ken who I work with about this and he get’s on the phone with them and they explain that it’s $100 for transition which is upgrading to state codes, $125 to recharge the Freon (which is quite a bit less than the first quoted $240, isn’t it?) and $175 for disposal ie hauling it off. I throw a fit, call my mom who calls a guy she knows in HVAC work. He says those charges are about normal but NOT to pay $175 for them to haul off the coil. So I call the company and get an attitude with the lady on the phone who tells me it’s state law that they haul it off. I tell her to SHOW ME the law that says that. She says she’ll have Richard call. Later she calls back and…ta da…I don’t have to pay the $175. WHEW! JERKS!!! Yesterday, I went home for lunch and step in my living room and squish down in the soaked carpet. AHHHHHHH. Come to find out, some pump tubing had melted together in my attic so the water was not being pumped out…it was overflowing into my living room. My parents and a friend come over and figure out the problem and shop vac up the water…which was probably a couple gallons..no kidding! So, my dad is taking off work today to fix that because it has to be fixed before the a/c is fixed tomorrow!! In the mean time I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to manage squeezing in cooking a healthy dinner, homework, bath and quality time with Camryn all in the 2 hours between the time she get’s out of dance and 8:30pm which is bed time. Also when I’m going to find time to do the laundry, play with the dog, do the dishes, sweep, vacuum, dust and just flat out run a home, while somehow managing to have a social life so that I can meet Mr. Right and not have to do all this alone for the rest of my life. *sigh* Thank you all for coming to my pity party. It’s been real…and it’s been fun…but it ain’t been real fun!
I would like to make a side note that I’m very thankful and blessed for my family who help me out so much. My mom who takes Camryn to dance and pays for it until I pay off my car next month, who also helps Camryn with her homework and my Dad who mows my yard and helps me fix things when they break. I’m VERY blessed! Stressed.. but blessed!

August 29, 2008 ~Face Down~

2008-08-29T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite songs right now. It's been out for a while, but with the style of music it is, I haven't understood the words until I really tried to listen(I'm pretty sure that means I'm getting old). Today I looked up the lyrics and fell in love with the song. Thought I'd share:

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
One look puts the rhythm in my head.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

{Chorus}Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now
As she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend,
One day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down,
A new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say your right again, Say your right again
Heed my lecture

Chorus}
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now
As she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend,
One day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down,
A new life she has found.

One day she will tell you
That she has had enough
Its coming round again. (repeat)
{Chorus}
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now As she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend,
One day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down,
A new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she says,
This doesn't hurt
she says I finally had enough.. (repeat)

August 26, 2008 ~ Jesus Loves the Little Children ~

2008-08-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

With school starting, Camryn and I have been transitioning back into a schedule where she actually has a bed time and has to sleep in her own bed etc. Her bed time is 8:30pm. Those of you who know Camryn, know she is a bit of a chicken. She tends to follow me around the house from room to room..ya know, just to chat or just because she wanted a hug, just because she loves me...or whatever other reason she can come up with to answer my question of "why are you following me around?". I mean, I literally can't go to the bathroom alone. Anyway, last night 8:30 rolled around and I told her to go get in bed, I would be in there in a minute for prayers. She obeyed (yippie). I kept hearing her singing, but didn't think much of it. After a little while she would come to me with an excuse to try to get me to come in her room. I knew it was because she was scared, but thought she needed to go get in bed and just try to deal with it. (Thoughts of her in her 20's following me around room to room because she was scared haunted me.) She went back to bed only to come back to me after a few minutes, all the while, I'm hearing her sing. By the 3rd visit by her, it hit me what she was doing. The SECOND she walked out of the room I was in, she started singing "Jesus loves the little children...". I could hear her in her room singing it loudly. All I could do was smile. Bless her heart. Normally when she's scared I tell her to sing "what time I am afraid I will trust in Thee". This time, I knew she was singing "Jesus Loves the Little Children" to keep herself from being scared. It was really sweet.